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Website's Built-In Search Engine Just Pathetic

NEWS IN BRIEF
CHICAGO—Following several unsuccessful attempts to find a specific article on a national media website, readers confirmed Monday that the built-in search engine found in the upper-right-hand ...

What Is The Theseus Protocol?

THE TRUMP DOCUMENTS
President Trump issued a mysterious executive order on February 17 titled “Authorization to Enact the Theseus Protocol, Bringing About the Ninth Conjunction of Spheres and Shattering of the Crimson...

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

SPORTS NEWS IN BRIEF
ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still...

A Look Inside The Trump Family

THE TRUMP DOCUMENTS
An anonymous White House whistleblower has provided ‘The Onion’ with secret correspondence between Trump family members, including Melania, Ivanka, Donald, Jr., and Eric.

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