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God Getting Strong Urge To Bring Back Dinosaurs

NEWS IN BRIEF
THE HEAVENS—Lamenting that the mass extinction event wiped out the reptiles too soon, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, confirmed Monday that He has recently been getting a strong desire to bring ...

'Oldest Bird' Not Actually Bird

INFOGRAPHIC
The discovery of a new fossil suggests the archaeopteryx may have been more of a bird-like dinosaur than a dinosaur-like bird.

Dinosaurs Sadly Extinct Before Invention Of Bazooka

NEWS
More than 65 million years ago, a cataclysmic event drove a majority of the Earth's species into extinction, and tragically, wiped out the last of the dinosaurs long before bazookas could be invent...

Stegosaurus Is My Second-Favorite Dinosaur

COMMENTARY
The bones in its face just make it look so cool. It's huge, its knees are awesome, and of course, it has tail spikes. I would be totally remiss if...

Report: Shopoholism May Have Killed The Shoposauruses

NEWS IN BRIEF
MISSOULA, MT–According to a report released Tuesday by the University of Montana's department of natural history, the consumption-crazed dinosaur known as the Shoposaurus may have become extinct as...

Gasoline Still Inexplicably Cheaper Than Milk

NEWS IN BRIEF
AUSTIN, TX—The University of Texas released a report Monday stating that, for some inexplicable reason, gasoline, a steadily depleting, non-renewable fossil fuel buried far beneath the earth's surf...

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