Showing 1 to 20 of 876 Total Results

Jesus Christ Believed In

NEWS IN BRIEF
ELKHART, IN—According to reports, legendary Biblical figure Jesus Christ is believed in by area resident Milton Grelskum. Grelskum, a 37-year-old machine tool operator, admits to believing that Chr...

Donnie

OBITUARIES
Donnie the cat had to be put to sleep Friday because, Jesus Christ, who has three grand for bladder stone removal?

Christ To Wed Longtime Backup Singer

NEWS IN BRIEF
NASHVILLE—It was confirmed Tuesday that Jesus Christ, 1,996, is engaged to Felicia Tufton, 38, who has sung backup on all of Christ's albums since 1983's Ridin' The Beams. "We are very excited abou...

Love For Jesus Inspires Honk

NEWS IN BRIEF
SALT LAKE CITY—Spurred on by an automotive decal, or "bumper sticker," an area woman's love for Jesus Christ was manifested in honk form Monday. "I do love Jesus," explained Millicent Walters. "The...

Wheel Of Fortune

TV LISTINGS
NBC 9 p.m. p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT Jesus Christ, you stupid bitch, "Star Trek," not "Star Tree."

Christ Returns to NBA

NEWS
After a two-year hiatus, Jesus Christ returned to the NBA last night, taking the court with his former team, the Atlanta Hawks. Christ, who quit the sport in May 1994 to focus on spreading His mess...

Jesus Surprises 700 Club With Walk-On Appearance

NEWS IN BRIEF
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA—Monday's episode of the popular Christian-affairs program The 700 Club featured a surprise walk-on by Jesus Christ, who dropped by the set and chatted briefly with host Pat Rober...

Atheist Swayed By Claymation Story Of Christ

NEWS IN BRIEF
GRAND ISLAND, NE–Atheist Marcia Prewitt was converted to a life of devotion to the Lord following Sunday's viewing of the claymation movie The Miracle Maker. "I'd heard a lot of preaching and teach...

Christ Returns For Some Of His Old Things

NEWS IN BRIEF
JERUSALEM—After being away for nearly two millennia, Jesus Christ triumphantly returned Monday to pick up some of His old belongings. "I realize this isn't exactly how the world's Christians were i...

Jesus Free After Killing Hooker

NEWS
ST. LOUIS, MO—Jesus the Christ, Son of Yahweh, is free on bond today after being arrested for the murder of Wanda Jimenez, 38, an East Side prostitute.

Jesus 'Really Dreading' This Next Birthday

NEWS
JERUSALEM—Jesus Christ, son of God and savior of humanity, confided Monday that He is not looking forward to His 2,000th birthday next year, saying that He is "really dreading turning the big two-o...