Showing 1 to 20 of 62 Total Results

Comeback Much Harsher Than Insult

NEWS IN BRIEF
MANKATO, MN—A gentle prod elicited a disproportionately harsh retort Monday, when office wag Kenneth Adamle was loudly told by coworker Bryan Lemon that at least Lemon's wife didn't cheat on him wi...

Defense Department Holds Bake Sale To Buy Bomber

NEWS IN BRIEF
WASHINGTON, DC—In what was called "a great day" by the nation's educators, a cash-strapped Defense Department held a bake sale in the Pentagon courtyard yesterday to raise money for a new B-1 Bombe...

Horoscope for the week of April 23, 1997

HOROSCOPE
You will be attacked by knife-wielding maniacs who will stab you 27 times, but take heart—a simple mixture of salt and lemon juice should get the stains out of your clothes.

Your Horoscopes- Week Of April 20, 2010

HOROSCOPE
Aries The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future. Taurus When life gives you lemons, why not b...

Your Horoscopes – Week Of September 18, 2012

HOROSCOPE
Aries You’ll have no choice but to eat the other passengers after your plane crashes into an Armour Hot Dog processing plant this week. Taurus Remember: When life gives you lemons, make lemon...

Friendless Woman Bakes, Gives Away Cookies

NEWS
HANWICH, PA—Unremarkable Hanwich resident Jean Blomun, a middle-aged single woman without friends, baked nearly three dozen cookies Sunday night, giving them away the next day to co-workers at the ...

Horoscope for the week of July 9, 1997

HOROSCOPE
Your hospital bills skyrocket when the International Toughman Competition replaces its locomotive-pulling event with one called "Turn The Aries Inside-Out With Your Bare Hands."