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Website's Built-In Search Engine Just Pathetic

NEWS IN BRIEF
CHICAGO—Following several unsuccessful attempts to find a specific article on a national media website, readers confirmed Monday that the built-in search engine found in the upper-right-hand ...

The Onion Reviews ‘La La Land’

VIDEO: ONION FILM STANDARD
The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews ‘La La Land’ in this week’s Film Standard

Report: Holy Shit, There Still 50 Minutes Left In Movie

NEWS IN BRIEF
EDGEMONT, PA—Expressing shock that the film he was watching somehow did not yet seem to be reaching its conclusion, area man Tyler Smith, 33, reported Tuesday that, holy shit, there are somehow sti...

Mom Just Wants To Watch Something Nice

NEWS IN BRIEF
NORRISTOWN, PA—Hoping to have a quiet, relaxing movie night at home with her family, local mother Allison Halstead told reporters Tuesday that she just wants to watch something nice.

The Onion Reviews ‘Rogue One’

VIDEO: ONION FILM STANDARD
The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews ‘Rogue One’ in this week’s Film Standard.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

INFOGRAPHIC
Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

The Onion Reviews ‘Sully’

VIDEO: ONION FILM STANDARD
The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews ‘Sully’ in this week’s Film Standard.

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

INFOGRAPHIC
Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-ste...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

HOROSCOPE
ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

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