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Bubba Gump Shrimp Owner Comforts Depressed Guy Fieri

'I've Been There, Bud,' Says Fellow Restaurant Owner

NEWS IN BRIEF
NEW YORK—Dejected by the scathing New York Times review of his new Times Square–based eatery, Guy Fieri was reportedly consoled today by local Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.

20 Idiots Evacuated From Times Square M&M's Store

NEWS
NEW YORK—With Hurricane Sandy pounding New York City with powerful winds and a dangerous storm surge Monday, emergency workers were mobilized quickly to evacuate 20 colossal morons from the M...

Guy In Suit Handling Newspaper Like A Pro

NEWS IN BRIEF
NEW YORK CITY—In a masterful demonstration of control and poise, a man in a suit on a train platform was seen Tuesday manipulating a copy of The New York Times as skillfully as if it were his...

Americans Take Day Off From Looking For Work

NEWS
NEW YORK—Citing the day-in, day-out grind of waking up early every morning and plugging away nonstop to find a job, Americans across the nation are spending their Labor Day taking a well-dese...