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The Aftermath Of September 11

INFOGRAPHIC
As America reflects on the anniversary of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, here are a few ways our nation’s perceptions have changed in the wake of 9/11

Timeline Of The War On Terror

INFOGRAPHIC
0 AD–September 11, 2001: Everything fine September 11, 2001: September 11, 2001 September 12, 2001: A determined George W. Bush responds to the Sept. 11 attacks by swiftly promising two fail...

17-Year Cicadas Horrified To Learn About 9/11

NEWS IN BRIEF
NEW YORK—Following their synchronized emergence this week after gestating underground since 1996, a colossal swarm of 17-year cicadas were horrified today to learn about the events of Septemb...

Your Horoscopes – Week Of September 11, 2012

HOROSCOPE
Aries The interesting thing about your future isn’t its extreme brevity, but how many angry, drunken Cossacks it holds. Taurus Your quest for abs of steel ends tragically this week when you c...

Ten Years Later: A Look Back On The World Since 9/11

SLIDESHOW
On Sunday, September 11, Americans will commemorate the tenth anniversary of the terrorist attacks that ended nearly 3,000 lives. As part of this remembrance, The Onion looks back at the 12 most im...

Steve Vai Impresses The Hell Out Of Neighborhood Kids

NEWS IN BRIEF
GLENDALE, CA— Rock guitarist Steve Vai wowed a group of neighborhood children with his spectacular guitar pyrotechnics Monday. "His behind-the-head guitar solo was so wicked," said Jimmy Hetzel, 11...