adBlockCheck
Showing 1 to 20 of 2031 Total Results

Website's Built-In Search Engine Just Pathetic

NEWS IN BRIEF
CHICAGO—Following several unsuccessful attempts to find a specific article on a national media website, readers confirmed Monday that the built-in search engine found in the upper-right-hand ...

God Rewinds Time To Watch Man Fall Off Trampoline Again

NEWS IN BRIEF
THE HEAVENS—Saying He just had to see the guy faceplant one more time, the Lord our God, Almighty Creator of the Universe, reportedly rewound time Monday to watch an Indiana man fall off a trampoli...

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

SPORTS NEWS
PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was disco...

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

NEWS IN BRIEF
WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirme...

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

INFOGRAPHIC
Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is havin...

Yankees Honor Retiring A-Rod With 3-Second Tribute Video

SPORTS NEWS IN BRIEF
NEW YORK—Recognizing the 14-time All-Star as he played the final game of his 20-year MLB career Friday, the New York Yankees honored retiring third baseman Alex Rodriguez with a three-second-long t...

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close