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Website's Built-In Search Engine Just Pathetic

NEWS IN BRIEF
CHICAGO—Following several unsuccessful attempts to find a specific article on a national media website, readers confirmed Monday that the built-in search engine found in the upper-right-hand ...

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

SPORTSGRAPHIC
The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Father Teaches Son How To Shave Him

NEWS IN BRIEF
ST. CLOUD, MN—Judging him old enough to learn the time-honored family tradition passed down from father to son, local man William Dalton, 47, taught his 12-year-old child, David, how to properly sh...

Black Man Out Of Work

NEWS
WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has...

Treat Yourself Right

COMMENTARY
This past year was a tough time for Smoove. You may remember that early on in the year, my favorite white silk suit was ruined by my dry cleaner. Not only did this mean losing one of my freshest ou...

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