Showing 1 to 20 of 27 Total Results

Society Tea Party Spoiled By Ocelot

NEWS IN BRIEF
LONDON—A formal tea party, hosted by Lady Edwina Wolford-Bingham and attended by many of the finest members of London's high society, was spoiled Sunday by the appearance of an ocelot. "Oh, dear," ...

Most Items At Garage Sale Haunted

NEWS IN BRIEF
CARBONDALE, PA—According to area bargain hunters, the majority of the dusty, cobweb-covered items at local resident Kelly Moore's garage...

Clinton Sold

NEWS IN BRIEF
WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Clinton was sold at an invitation-only Sotheby’s auction Sunday, purchased by well-known British financier Owen Barasman.

My Flabby Tabbies Are So Spoiled!

COMMENTARY
Late Friday night, I woke up to the sound of a loud crash coming from the kitchen. I sat bolt-upright in bed, and, for a split-second, I thought it was burglars. But then I realized what it was, an...

Total Weirdo Spends Mother’s Day At Cemetery

NEWS IN BRIEF
ST. MARYS, OH—Apparently content to hang around dead people rather than celebrate like a normal person, area weirdo John Mills spent most of Mother’s Day at a local cemetery, creeped-out sources co...

It Is Wrong To Throw Things

COMMENTARY
It has become incumbent upon me, in light of certain matters which have been brought to my attention, to address the problem of throwing things. I believe I can best serve my country in this matter...

Earthquake Tests East Coast Preparedness

INFOGRAPHIC
Emergency management professionals questioned the readiness of Washington, D.C., New York, and other cities after a 5.8-magnitude earthquake hit Virginia.

Bring It On

COMMENTARY
Girl, if you have any question in your mind as to whether I can satisfy you, bring your body to me now.

Personal Magnet-ism

COMMENTARY
What do the following things have in common: a witch on a broomstick, a smiling carrot, a pig wearing a chef's hat, Tweety Bird, a vase of violets, a clam with googly eyes, a genie, Mr. Peanut, and...

Fox Defends Airing Of When Jews Attack

NEWS
LOS ANGELES—In the face of widespread public outcry, Fox TV executives spoke out Monday in defense of last week's airing of When Jews Attack.