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    9/11 Memorial Curators Decide Not To Display Swastika Formed By Twisted Girders Found At Ground Zero

    NEW YORK—Despite the surprising coincidence of finding a perfectly formed swastika amidst the broken girders of the Twin Towers, 9/11 memorial curators have ...

    Nation Would Rather Think About 9/11 Than Anything From Subsequent 10 Years

    NEW YORK—As media coverage of the 10th anniversary of 9/11 ramps up this week, citizens across the United States collectively realized they would ...

    Responsible Cable News Outlets To Devote Sensible Amount Of Airtime To 10th Anniversary Of 9/11

    NEW YORK—Promising to cover the event responsibly and with the kind of delicate restraint it deserves, the nation's cable news outlets announced Monday ...

    Laffy Taffy Sponsors Every Cobblestone At 9/11 Memorial

    NEW YORK—The makers of Laffy Taffy, a chewy fruit-flavored candy known for the lighthearted jokes printed on each wrapper, announced Tuesday they would pay ...

    Enraged 500-Foot-Tall Bin Laden Rises From Sea, Destroys New York, Washington

    UPDATE: Giant Bin Laden Destroys New York, Washington

    NEW YORK—Just weeks after his body was buried at sea, Osama bin Laden burst forth from the ocean depths early this morning, rising to ...

    Recently in 911

    Osama Bin Laden Killed While Sitting On Toilet, Nation Likes To Imagine

    Congress Honors 9/11 First CapitalizersConstruction Complete On 9/11 Truther MemorialMan Already Knows Everything He Needs To Know About MuslimsLast Time Sources Checked This Still AmericaBald Eagle Tired Of Everyone Just Assuming It Supports WarU.S. Finally Gets Around To Prosecuting Mastermind Behind 9/11Americans Observing 9/11 By Trying Not To Masturbate
    • News in Photos

      Aide Interrupts Event To Inform Bush About 10th Anniversary Of 9/11

    • News in Photos

      Hugging Up 76,000 Percent

    • Statshot

      How Have We Spent The Past Two Weeks

    Terror Experts Warn Next 9/11 Could Fall On Different Date

    WASHINGTON—According to the Department of Homeland Security, the U.S. could soon find itself in a "very real" 5/25 scenario, as well as ...

    Nation Secretly Hoping 9/11 Becomes A Day Off Soon

    WASHINGTON—After spending another anniversary of the 2001 terrorist attacks at work, many across the country have begun to secretly hope...

    Giuliani To Run For President Of 9/11

    NEW YORK—Supporters of the former mayor praised Giuliani for his "early and unwavering commitment" to 9/11

    • Comedy: Podmass: David Sedaris describes his bath time, cicadas are explained, and Wompler returns

    • TV: Interview: Mitchell Hurwitz talks about the resurrection of Arrested Development

    • TV: What's On Tonight?: Orphan Black stands alone over a long holiday weekend

    • How to Traumatize Your Children Book

    • Assorted Headlines Pint Glasses

    • Cheat to Win Bracelet

    • Web Series Reaches 100 Views

    • Could Plastic Surgery Be Your Ticket To Employment? - Dr. Good - Ep. 2

    • The Best Of Today Now!: Fresh Roasted Cup Of News

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