Fireflies Almost Salvage Man’s Shitty Day

TOLEDO, OH—According to reports, the intermittent flicker of fireflies above Charles Michaelson’s front porch Friday evening came close, but ultimately fell just short ...

Nitro Expected To Win Westminster Dog Fight

NEW YORK—Lauding his sturdy build, immaculate pedigree, and unparalleled ability to latch onto opponents’ throats until they bleed to death, sources confirmed today that ...