barack obama

Obama Openly Asks Nation Why On Earth He Would Want To Serve For Another Term 01.04.12

PITTSBURGH—Citing three years of exhausting partisan politics, constant gridlock in Congress, and an overall feeling that the entire nation has "completely lost it," President Barack Obama openly asked a campaign-rally crowd Tuesday why h... more»

Obama Publishes Tell-All Book About America 11.02.11

WASHINGTON—In what is being advertised as a bombshell cultural event certain to spark a storm of controversy nationwide, publisher HarperCollins has released this week President Barack Obama's long-awaited new tell-all book about America. In the 800... more»

Obama: Debt Ceiling Deal Required Tough Concessions By Both Democrats And Democrats Alike 08.03.11

WASHINGTON—A day after signing legislation that raised the government debt ceiling and authorized steep budget cuts, President Obama thanked Democrats as well as Democrats for their willingness to make tough, but necessary, concessions during negoti... more»

Obama Denies Accusations He Does Not Love His Dog 02.21.11

The Beltway media is abuzz following Republican charges that Obama hates Bo. more»

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Obama Openly Asks Nation Why On Earth He Would Want To Serve For Another Term
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Obama Publishes Tell-All Book About America
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Obama: Debt Ceiling Deal Required Tough Concessions By Both Democrats And Democrats Alike
Video: Onion News Network On IFC

Obama Denies Accusations He Does Not Love His Dog

Obama Waiting For Perfect Moment To Walk By White House Tour Group

ISSUE 48•11 | 03.13.12 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON—According to White House sources, President Obama took a break from his national security briefing today in order to wait for just the right moment to stroll casually past an unsuspecting group of visitors taking the daily 9:30 a.m. more»
In Major Gaffe, Obama Forgets To Dumb It Down

ISSUE 47•49 | 12.06.11 | News in Brief

CINCINNATI—In a serious miscalculation that may prove devastating to his bid for a second term, President Barack Obama neglected Tuesday to simplify a statement to the point where it could readily be grasped by anyone with the vocabulary of an 8-yea... more»
Obama Seeks Approval Of 'Occupy Wall Street' Protestors By Punching Banker In The Face

ISSUE 47•43 | 10.12.11 | Blog

Early Polls Indicate 44% of Respondents Saying "It's about damn time" and 32% Wishing For A Kick Instead of Punch NEW YORK, NY (October 12, 2011) - Apparently seeking to ride the wave of popular anger being expressed by the growing ... more»
Obama, Tennessee Titans Have No Clue Why Team Invited To White House

ISSUE 47•20 | 05.18.11 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON—As cameras snapped and members of the press looked on, neither President Obama nor members of the Tennessee Titans were able to provide any indication as to why the professional football team might have been invited to visit the White Hou... more»
Which Obama do want in office?

ISSUE 47•09 | 03.04.11 | Poll

Following the discovery that the real President Obama was kidnapped and replaced by a weak-willed impostor, many citizens are saying they would rather keep the fake Obama in office since the nation is already used to him. more»
Obama's Life In Captivity

ISSUE 47•09 | 03.04.11 | Blog

A document leaked to the internet earlier today, supposedly containing the results of Obama's first interview with FBI agents, contains numerous new details about the president's life of solitude. more»
Huckabee Claims Obama Grew Up In Kenya

ISSUE 47•09 | 03.03.11 | American Voices

In a radio interview, former presidential candidate Mike Huckabee wrongly stated that President Obama grew up in Kenya with his Kenyan grandfather. more»
GOP Asks "Does Obama Love Bo?"

ISSUE 47•07 | 02.17.11 | Blog

The GOP is contending Obama doesn't actually love his Portuguese Water Dog, Bo. Their claims include: Obama rarely calls Bo good boy or scritches his ears. The president admitted he "doesn't know" which day Bo gets his monthly heartworm preven... more»
Obama Delivers Whispered, Untelevised Speech On Gun Control

ISSUE 47•50 ISSUE 47•05 | 02.04.11 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON—President Obama delivered a 10-minute-long inaudible and untelevised speech on gun control Thursday, addressing the politically volatile topic from behind the closed doors of the Oval Office, where nobody could see or hear him. more»
Obama: Aside From All The Weirdos And Freaks Around Here, The State Of The Union Is Strong

ISSUE 47•04 | 01.26.11 | News

WASHINGTON—Citing historical legislative accomplishments, an improving economy, and the American people's resilience in the face of adversity, President Barack Obama declared Tuesday that the state of the union—aside from all the weirdos, freaks, and truly bizarre citizens out there who are "just really, really strange"—is strong. more»
Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail

ISSUE 46•47 | 11.26.10 | News

WASHINGTON—Having admittedly "reached the end of [his] rope," President Barack Obama sent a rambling 75,000-word e-mail to the entire nation Wednesday, revealing deep frustrations with America's political culture, his presidency, U.S. citizens, and himself. more»
Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon

ISSUE 46•47 | 11.23.10 | Newsroom

President Obama announces plans to deliver a two-hour speech explaining his reasons for granting clemency to Cranberry, the Thanksgiving turkey. more»
Has Obama Failed To Reduce Hostility Toward Obnoxious Americans Abroad?

ISSUE 46•41 | 10.14.10 | In The Know

In The Know panelists discuss Obama's failure to repair Americans' Bush-era reputation overseas as drunken belligerent assholes vomiting on ancient treasures. more»
Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

ISSUE 46•38 | 09.22.10 | News

WASHINGTON—According to a poll released Tuesday, nearly 20 percent of U.S. citizens now believe Barack Obama is a cactus, the most Americans to identify the president as a water- retaining desert plant since he took office. more»
Obama Releases 500,000 Men From U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve

ISSUE 46•37 | 09.14.10 | Newsroom

The emergency influx of bachelors is expected to combat crisis levels of good men ready for something real. more»
Obama Declares Victory, Sort Of, Depending On How You Look At It, In Iraq

ISSUE 47•52 ISSUE 46•33 | 08.18.10 | News

CAMP SPRINGS, MD—"For nearly a decade, our mission in Iraq has been to root out those who would choose violence over peace, to create a stable Iraqi government, and to transfer power to an incorruptable civilian police force," Obama said. "And, in a manner of speaking, we sort of did some of that, right? More or less?" more»
Local Family Homeless After Tornado Destroys White House

ISSUE 46•29 | 07.21.10 | News

WASHINGTON—"My God, just look at this," the 48-year-old government employee said as he surveyed the splintered furniture and mangled chandeliers that littered the 18-acre property. "Everything is gone. Our clothes, our family photos, the federal budget for fiscal year 2011—it's all gone." more»
Obama's Fifth Gulf Coast Visit Really Helps A Lot

ISSUE 46•29 | 07.19.10 | News in Brief

NEW ORLEANS—Critics were silenced today after President Barack Obama's fifth visit to the Gulf Coast vastly improved the devastated region. more»
Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde

ISSUE 46•25 | 06.23.10 | News

WASHINGTON—Obama made his first foray into the avant-garde last March, when he posted a video titled "Red, White, and Doom" to the White House website. In it, the president, seated in the Oval Office with a skull-and-crossbones banner where the American flag would normally be, stares unblinkingly into the camera as the phrase "In God we trust" loops for four minutes and 37 seconds. more»
Poll: More Muslims Distrust Obama

ISSUE 46•25 | 06.21.10 | American Voices

A survey from the Pew Research Center found President Obama's popularity was slipping among Muslims worldwide. more»
Obama To Make Reassuring Eye Contact With Every Last American

ISSUE 46•23 | 06.09.10 | News

ROCKLAND, ME—In an attempt to convince an anxious populace that his progressive legislative agenda is working and that everything is going to be all right, President Barack Obama embarked on a 50-state, 30,000-town tour Monday during which he plans to gaze assuredly into the eyes of each American citizen, one at a time. more»
President Obama Mentions He'd Like To See LeBron James In Chicago, Also That He's Leader Of The Free World

ISSUE 46•51 ISSUE 46•21 | 05.28.10 | Sports News

WASHINGTON—President of the United States, basketball fan, and former Chicago resident Barack Obama once again weighed in on the future of LeBron James Wednesday, saying how much he would enjoy seeing the superstar play for the Bulls, and also that ... more»
Obama Promoted To Senior Vice President Of American Affairs

ISSUE 46•17 | 04.26.10 | News

WASHINGTON—"When you become president, you always hope that something might open up at National before your term is out," said Obama, who as SVPAA will now have matching 401(k) contributions, free access to the executive gym, and an annual bonus that includes a percentage of GDP. more»
Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, 'But Not Because He's Black Or Anything'

ISSUE 46•14 | 04.05.10 | Today Now!

Suspect Alex Croft, who has a ton of black friends, planned to kill Obama because of his socialist agenda—not because of his skin color. more»
Obama's Twitter Account Hacked

ISSUE 46•13 | 03.29.10 | American Voices

An unemployed young Frenchman is being accused of hacking into the Twitter accounts of President Barack Obama and Britney Spears by correctly answering their security questions and then resetting their passwords. more»

barack obama

Obama Openly Asks Nation Why On Earth He Would Want To Serve For Another Term 01.04.12

Obama Publishes Tell-All Book About America 11.02.11

Obama: Debt Ceiling Deal Required Tough Concessions By Both Democrats And Democrats Alike 08.03.11

Obama Denies Accusations He Does Not Love His Dog 02.21.11

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Video: Onion News Network On IFC

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Obama Waiting For Perfect Moment To Walk By White House Tour Group

In Major Gaffe, Obama Forgets To Dumb It Down

Obama Seeks Approval Of 'Occupy Wall Street' Protestors By Punching Banker In The Face

Obama, Tennessee Titans Have No Clue Why Team Invited To White House

Which Obama do want in office?

Obama's Life In Captivity

Huckabee Claims Obama Grew Up In Kenya

GOP Asks "Does Obama Love Bo?"

Obama Delivers Whispered, Untelevised Speech On Gun Control

Obama: Aside From All The Weirdos And Freaks Around Here, The State Of The Union Is Strong

Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail

Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon

Has Obama Failed To Reduce Hostility Toward Obnoxious Americans Abroad?

Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

Obama Releases 500,000 Men From U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve

Obama Declares Victory, Sort Of, Depending On How You Look At It, In Iraq

Local Family Homeless After Tornado Destroys White House

Obama's Fifth Gulf Coast Visit Really Helps A Lot

Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde

Poll: More Muslims Distrust Obama

Obama To Make Reassuring Eye Contact With Every Last American

President Obama Mentions He'd Like To See LeBron James In Chicago, Also That He's Leader Of The Free World

Obama Promoted To Senior Vice President Of American Affairs

Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, 'But Not Because He's Black Or Anything'

Obama's Twitter Account Hacked

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan