GOLETA, CA—In an effort to minimize the impact of the disaster occurring along the California coastline, Plains All American Pipeline officials rushed this week to contain the oil spill to a small section of the media.
CINCINNATI—Unaware that it will soon be regarded by his managers as an unnecessary drain on the company’s bottom line, local software engineer Rob Lofland reportedly celebrated a raise Thursday that his employer will eventually use to justify firing him.
TOKYO—Saying it was simply time for drivers to move on, Toyota Motor Corp. issued a recall of its entire 1993 Camry model line Wednesday due to the fact that its owners really should have bought something new by now.
HICAGO—Saying the impressive display of business sense came entirely out of nowhere, employees of public relations agency Davidson Communications confirmed Wednesday that CEO Donald Marshall was on an absolute hot streak after making two straight logical decisions.
Today marks the 75th anniversary of the McDonald’s restaurant chain, which was founded in 1940 as a Southern California barbecue joint and has since expanded to more than 35,000 locations across the globe. Here are some highlights from the company’s history
HOUSTON—Stating that any damage would be limited to just a handful of species that somehow managed to survive that long, officials from the Shell Oil Company assured the public Wednesday that most of the Arctic wildlife living near their proposed drilling site will be extinct well before their next oil spill.
Officials for Whole Foods have announced that the chain of high-end grocery stores will soon launch a line of lower-priced stores with a “curated” selection of more simply designed foods for millennials and others who can’t afford Whole Foods’ prices. What do you think?
McDonald’s has reintroduced its iconic Hamburgler character as a slickly dressed dad who moved to the suburbs to raise his family but is now tempted back into a life of crime after being reminded about McDonald’s hamburgers, a new identity that some internet users have said is sexy. What do you think?
NEW YORK—Touting it as a cost-effective and more customized option for many subscribers, Sprint this week announced a new wireless calling plan for people in long-distance relationships that offers a decreasing number of minutes each month.
NEW YORK—Saying that women no longer need to settle for plain, drab internal tissue, the cosmetics brand Maybelline introduced a new line of injectable makeup this week to enhance the appearance of wearers’ organs.