Financial Sector Thinks It’s About Ready To Ruin World Again
NEW YORK—Claiming that enough time had surely passed since they last caused a global economic meltdown, top executives from the U.S. financial sector ...
Ghost Of Alvah Roebuck Enjoying The Hell Out Of Sears’ Decline
CHICAGO—Expressing a deep sense of delight and amusement at the corporation’s recently reported $279 million first-quarter loss, the ghost of Alvah C.
Lockheed Martin Engineer Told To Make It Sear Faces Off Faster
BETHESDA, MD—While reviewing his work on a new project, officials at defense contractor Lockheed Martin told engineer Erik Whitaker that it was looking pretty ...
Strange New Culture Forming On Other End Of Office
HOUSTON—Pointing to the group’s radically divergent behaviors and customs, employees at local software firm Pendant Systems confirmed Friday that a strange new culture ...
Local Laundromat Employs Social Media Coordinator
CHESTER, PA—Saying that it was the next logical step for the company, the owners of local laundromat Sudz Cleaners told reporters Tuesday that they ...
