Coworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little Fucker
BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...
Adidas Unveils New Running Shoe For Fleeing From Mass Shootings
NEW YORK—With the launch Tuesday of a massive nationwide ad campaign, athletic footwear manufacturer Adidas has officially unveiled the Adidas Bystander, the first shoe ...
This Has To Be Year Local Miniature Golf Course Finally Goes Out Of Business
WHITEHALL, NY—Claiming that the dilapidated, sun-bleached recreational facility had been on its last legs for years, local residents told reporters Monday that this has ...
FAA Report: Spirit Airlines Is The Fucking Worst
WASHINGTON—According to a new report released Tuesday by the Federal Aviation Administration, Spirit Airlines, the American low-cost air carrier, is the absolute fucking worst ...
Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is The Next Big Thing
Following the saboteur antics of a prankster focus group that reportedly convinced company officials the drink was not only palatable but delicious, PepsiCo announced Thursday ...
