Apple Claims New iPhone Only Visible To Most Loyal Of Customers
SAN FRANCISCO—“Not only does it look awesome, but it can do pretty much anything you want as long as you believe in it,” said ...
Man Sentenced To 3 Months Probation For 17th-Degree Murder
ST. LOUIS—Jury members in the murder case against real estate agent David Steffen said that the angry message Steffen left on victim Ron...
New Mobile-Device Purchase Makes Asshole More Versatile
NEW YORK—The new BlackBerry 8703c has allowed total shithead Robert McClain to assign more work to his assistants while he is gambling in Atlantic ...
Vehement Anti-Cell-Phone Guy Finally Caves
ANN ARBOR, MI—After calling the device "the item single-handedly responsible for the erosion of our nation's social and cultural foundation" for close to ...
Bacon Just One Of Sprint's New Downloadable Ring Scents
OVERLAND PARK, KS—Wireless-phone-service provider Sprint PCS has added Hickory-Smoked Bacon to its quickly growing list of downloadable Ring Scents, which includes Pine Forest, New ...
