Athlete Arrested
HOUSTON—According to numerous sources, a star athlete of the city’s professional sports team was reportedly arrested in the late hours of yesterday evening ...
FBI: 'You Know You’re Desperate When You’re Asking The American People For Help'
WASHINGTON—Saying that the last thing he ever wanted to do was ask “311 million mouth-breathing morons” for help, the Federal Bureau of Investigation freely ...
Pfizer Kingpin Gunned Down In Ongoing Prescription Drug Cartel Turf War
NEW YORK—In the latest of an increasingly violent series of murders linked to international prescription drug trafficking, infamous Pfizer cartel leader Philip “El Loco ...
Popeye's Home Boiglerized
SWEETHAVEN VILLAGE—According to a report filed with the Sweethaven Police Department, the private residence of sailor man Popeye was violently boiglerized at approximately 4 ...
Man Arrested For Stealing More Than $50,000 In Beards From Hank Williams, Jr.
PARIS, TN—The Henry County Sheriff's Department announced Monday the arrest of a local man charged with burglarizing the climate-controlled beard humidor of country ...
