New Study Finds It Is Impossible To Lose Weight, No One Has Ever Done It, And Those Who Are Trying Should Give Up

WASHINGTON—According to a groundbreaking new study published Monday in the Journal Of The American Medical Association, it is impossible to lose weight, no one ...

Once-Great Competitive Eater Reduced To Hustling At 10-Cent Wing Nights

BUFFALO, NY—With one bad decision, gone was the $85,000 home outside of Akron, the mini-golf weekends, the mid-range American cars, and the decent-looking ...

Diet Book Author Advocates New 'No Food Diet'

Today Now! talks with a diet book author who reveals that many things are surprisingly edible when you are driven mad by hunger.

Tomato Genetically Modified To Be More Expensive

PASADENA, CA—Geneticists at the California Institute of Technology announced Monday that they have developed a tomato with a 31 percent larger...

Formerly Obese Man Always Showing Everyone His Old Pants

RUFFS DALE, PA—According to John Swink's friends, family, coworkers, and casual acquaintances, as well as a growing number of local waiters and...

Impersonal Trainer Couldn't Give A Fuck What You Do With Those Free Weights

LOS ANGELES—Wes Orth Jr., the man considered to be the standard-bearer for a new breed of strong and aloof impersonal trainers, could not care...

America's Obese: A Food Source For America's Even More Obese?

WASHINGTON, DC—The answer to morbidly obese Americans' problems could be standing right behind them in the buffet line.

New Pepsi Negative-220 Burns Twice The Calories It Contains

PURCHASE, NY—Joining a field already crowded with such non-caloric beverages as Coke Steam and Hollo Yello, PepsiCo announced the creation Monday of Pepsi Negative-220 ...

New Study Finds It Is Impossible To Lose Weight, No One Has Ever Done It, And Those Who Are Trying Should Give Up

Once-Great Competitive Eater Reduced To Hustling At 10-Cent Wing Nights

Diet Book Author Advocates New 'No Food Diet'

Tomato Genetically Modified To Be More Expensive

Formerly Obese Man Always Showing Everyone His Old Pants

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Tai Chi Practitioner Really Slowly Dislocates Knee

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Fat Kid Just Wants To Watch You Guys Play

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Dennis Hastert Fights To Locate, Save Neck

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Video-Game Character Feeling Healthier After Eating Turkey Leg Off Ground

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How Are We Getting Into Shape For Swimsuit Season?

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What's In The Perfect 2005 Omelet?

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Scientific American Somehow Makes Woman Feel Bad About Her Body

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Yeti Releases Abdominable Crunch Workout Video

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World's Fattest Town Makes, Consumes World's Largest Mozzarella Stick

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Stouffer's Discontinues Toaster Steaks

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Rice Krispie Treat Eaten In 8" x 8" Square

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Least Healthy Fast-Food Items

Impersonal Trainer Couldn't Give A Fuck What You Do With Those Free Weights

America's Obese: A Food Source For America's Even More Obese?

New Pepsi Negative-220 Burns Twice The Calories It Contains