CHANHASSEN, MN—Ending rampant speculation regarding the extent of the late musician’s catalogue of unreleased recordings, the executors of Prince’s estate announced Monday that the performer’s famed vault in his Paisley Park residence sadly contains 37,000 hours of Billy Joel covers.
NEW YORK—Following on the heels of the surprise release of her new album, Lemonade, over the weekend, Beyoncé unexpectedly debuted a brand-new song Monday about how purchasing a subscription to the streaming music service Tidal is the most empowering action a woman can take, sources confirmed.
OCALA, FL—Speaking somberly while staring off into the distance, local resident Mike Budd, a man who regularly wears tinted, wraparound Oakley sunglasses upside down on the back of his head, told reporters Monday that he is still recovering from the 2013 death of actor Paul Walker.
WASHINGTON—Telling reporters they were unable to convey the full extent of their gratitude that the plot of the hit HBO series had finally surpassed the events of the novels, citizens across the country expressed immense relief Sunday that all the insufferable little Game Of Thrones fans would no longer be able to lord the books over everyone else just trying to enjoy the show.
FREMONT, CA—In an effort to refresh his memory ahead of the upcoming season of the popular fantasy series, local Game Of Thrones fan Bryan Parker reportedly rewatched past episodes of the show this week to remind himself of what all the characters’ breasts look like.