Atlantic City Faces Long Recovery Before It Can Start Destroying Lives Again
ATLANTIC CITY, NJ—In the wake of Hurricane Sandy, Atlantic City officials warned Friday that it could take weeks or even months for the storm-ravaged ...
Romney Pitches In To Repair Thousands Of Downed Romney-Ryan Lawn Signs
MANTOLOKING, NJ—Saying he had been deeply shaken by the extent of Hurricane Sandy’s destruction, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney visited the storm-battered mid-Atlantic ...
Nation Suddenly Realizes This Just Going To Be A Thing That Happens From Now On
NEW YORK—Following Hurricane Sandy’s destructive tear through the Northeast this week, the nation’s 300 million citizens looked upon the trail of devastation ...
Report: Only Way Nation Will Pay Attention To Climate Change Is If Julia Roberts Dies In Hurricane
TALLAHASSEE, FL—As the nation recovers from Hurricane Sandy, Florida State University researchers released a report Wednesday revealing that the only circumstance in which Americans ...
Lone Doofus Has Been Waiting 36 Hours For Next C Train
BROOKLYN, NY—Despite the fact that all New York City subway service has been shut down since Sunday night due to Hurricane Sandy, area doofus ...
