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    Wild Fall Break Parties Pose Risks For College Students

    The Onion News Network investigates the dangerous tradition of Fall Break parties where college students chug maple syrup and strip down to their long underwear.

    Black Part Of Town Moves Across Town

    Pennington, IL's only African-American family moves to the other side of town, causing residents to reminisce about the "Black part of town."

    Back Of Library Smells Like Weed

    Library patrons in Pennington, IL report that something definitely smells like weed back in the young adult section.

    This Day In History: Apollo 12 Sent To Moon To Pick Up Trash Left By Apollo 11

    On This Day In History, the astronauts of Apollo 12 landed on the moon to collect the pizza boxes and beer cans left behind by ...

    Reporter Steps In To Replace Woman's Missing Husband

    When the war in Afghanistan leaves a woman without a husband, caring reporter O'Brady Shaw steps in to replace him.

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    High Unemployment Rate Linked To One Man With 42,000 Jobs

    A recent report finds that one man is selfishly working thousands of jobs while other Americans go without even one.

    Republicans Stalling Obama's Agenda By Speaking, Moving In Slow Motion

    Democrats charge that Republican members of Congress are preventing the passage of the bills by moving very slowly.

    In Bipartisan Spirit, Obama Makes Deal To Get Kicked In Balls

    President Obama works out an agreement to have Republicans in Congress kick him in the balls in exchange for nothing.

    • Music: Great Job, Internet!: Here's a mixtape of all the samples from Yeezus

    • Film: Newswire: The Logan's Run remake is now being written by BioShock's Ken Levine

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