Off The Top Of My Head
by Jean Teasdale
This Week
Columnists
Recent Opinions
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You'll Never Love Our Amazing Deals On Household Appliances Unless You First Love Yourself
by Daniel Stegman, Floor Salesman -
I Thought We'd Have Flying Slaves By Now
by George Washington -
My Kids Are Learning How To Drive…Me Up The Wall!
by Roger Dudek -
Did Someone Say Bison?
by Dave Carter, Executive Director, National Bison Association
Corrections
Last week, The Onion mixed up the dates of the First and Second Punic Wars in the story "Bedford-Area Girl Kidnapped." The Onion regrets the error.
Letters To The Editor »
Dear The Onion,
Enclosed is a weird smell that’s been lingering in my kitchen for a good month now. It’s like wet ham, but with an undercurrent of scorched hair. Any idea where it’s coming from?
Jim Winning, Tulsa, OK
More Opinions
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Let's Get The Old Regime Back Together
by Lukin Luzhnincy -
Hey, Where Did All My Stuff Go?
by Pharaoh Tutankhamun -
The Greatest Movie Ever Told
by Jim Anchower -
Our Street Gangs Are Probably Using Bad Language
by Neil Rackhouse Jr., Grammarian -
Damn You, Hearst!
by T. Herman Zweibel, Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911) -
Huzzah For The Glorious Pig-Skin!
by T. Herman Zweibel, Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911) -
This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us, Unless We Can Reach Some Sort Of Mutually Acceptable Compromise
by Nacogdoches Slim -
Secretary's Day Has Become So Commercialized
by Marybeth Pryce
