DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.
BRUSSELS—Sad and lonely from the diplomatic trip that has kept him thousands of miles away from his private estate for almost a week, a homesick Donald Trump stayed up all night on the phone with the automated Mar-a-Lago reservations line, sources said Wednesday.
VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.
HOMESTEAD, FL—Acting on a tip from a local fisherman who caught the former vice president siphoning gas from his outboard motor, DNC Chairman Tom Perez on Monday reportedly tracked down Joe Biden deep in the Florida Everglades tossing whole raw chickens to alligators.
PALM BEACH, FL—Clawing over each other and gasping for air as they emerged, hundreds of miniature Sean Hannitys reportedly burst from Roger Ailes’ corpse Thursday shortly after the former Fox News CEO’s death.
WASHINGTON—Fed up with the constant notifications about threats to the United States, an exasperated President Trump was trying to figure out how to unsubscribe from the boring national security email list, sources reported Thursday.
WASHINGTON—Shocked by the reckless act of child endangerment, a crowd outside the White House stared in horror as an unhinged Donald Trump on Wednesday reportedly dangled a baby from the Truman Balcony.
WASHINGTON—Indulging in a brief but blissful pause to imagine that normalcy would soon be returning, the nation on Wednesday allowed itself five precious minutes to believe that all of this would soon be over.