With the FDA recently pulling multiple cigarette brands off the market, the conversation surrounding the harmful effects of smoking has been returning in full force to the national stage. Here is what happens to your body as you smoke a cigarette
DES MOINES, IA—Heralding the discovery as the most complete specimen of its kind, a team of archaeologists from the University of Iowa announced Thursday that they had managed to reconstruct more than 75 percent of a Snyder’s of Hanover pretzel from fragments found at a Des Moines–area Stop ’N Go.
WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that they only wanted to hear announcements about actual cool stuff in space, millions of impatient Americans flat-out demanded Monday that NASA stop holding all press conferences until they discover some little alien guys.
LAWRENCE, KS—Drawing attention to the distressing prevalence of outside areas on the planet, researchers at the University of Kansas released an alarming report Monday revealing that a mere 6 percent of the Earth’s surface is actually indoors.
LEXINGTON, KY—Providing insight into the customs and social dynamics of prehistoric populations, researchers at the University of Kentucky published a study Friday revealing that humans began domesticating wild animals in order to comfort children whose parents had separated.
WUHAN, CHINA—Claiming the aquatic mammal had squandered the countless opportunities it had been given, wildlife experts reported Tuesday that the Chinese river dolphin, a species that had an entire 25-million-year period to evolve ways to survive, was pathetically snuffed out by less than a decade of environmental changes.
WASHINGTON—Saying they’re tired of their urgent calls to action consistently being met with indifference and apathy, members of the American Medical Association announced Tuesday that they will not issue any more warnings about newly discovered health hazards until the populace deals with its current backlog.
‘Sadly, There Was Nothing We Could Do,’ Scientists Say
JOHANNESBURG—Lamenting that there was nothing they could possibly do, tearful anthropologists announced at a press conference Thursday that they had discovered the bodies of 15 deceased human ancestors 100,000 years too late.