46%
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    Brooke Alvarez Has All The Answers, Even About Particle Physics 

    One fan tries to stump Brooke with a tough question about the giant hadron collider, but Brooke isn't ruffled in the slightest.

    Pediatricians Announce 2011 Newborns Are Ugliest Babies In 30 Years

    ELK GROVE VILLAGE, IL—According to a statement released Tuesday by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the babies born in 2011 have thus far been ...

    Report: Fax Machines Still Pretty Impressive If You Think About It

    WASHINGTON—Fax machines, despite using 40-year-old technology and having come into prominence in the 1980s, are actually still pretty impressive if you think about it ...

    Scientists Trace Heat Wave To Massive Star At Center Of Solar System

    PASADENA, CA—Groundbreaking new findings announced Monday suggest the record-setting heat wave plaguing much of the United States may be due to radiation emitted from ...

    New Study Shows People With Panic Disorders Respond Poorly To Being Locked In Underwater Elevators

    NEW HAVEN, CT—A new study published Monday in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that those who suffer from panic disorder react negatively to ...

    Recently in science

    Science Confirms Men and Women Never Meant To Be More Than Friends

    Scientists Baffled By Man's Incredible Ability To Fuck Up Every TimeSuffering Blue Whales Plead With Environmentalists To Let Them Go Extinct AlreadyNew Study Confirms Humans Only Use 10% Of GenitaliaBee Stuck Between Screen Door, Front Door Going Fucking NutsChicken-Shit Asteroid Veers Away At Last MinuteFirst Openly Gay Racehorse To Compete SundayChina Launches First Willing Manned Mission Into Space
    • News in Photos

      Triumph Of Human Engineering Slept Through

    • Sunday Magazine

      Could This Asteriod Solve Global Warming, Iraq And Poverty?

    • News in Photos

      Silicon Breast Implants Perform Millions Of Calculations Per Second

    • News in Photos

      Scientific American Somehow Makes Woman Feel Bad About Her Body

    • News in Photos

      Chicago's Shedd Aquarium Admits Panda Exhibit A Ghastly Mistake

    • News in Photos

      Astronomers Discover Extremely Graphic Galaxy

    • News in Photos

      New Planet Discovered 400 Light Years Away From Public's Interest

    • News in Photos

      Nitroglycerin Chex Gingerly Pulled From Shelves

    • News in Photos

      Scientists Isolate Gene Simmons

    • News in Photos

      New Macrowave Can Defrost A Roast In 72 Hours

    • News in Photos

      Genetically Modified Chicken Lays Its Own Dipping Sauce

    • News in Photos

      Obesity-Study Lab Rat's Life Pretty Sweet

    Mob Not Angry At Monster, Just Disappointed

    CEAMURLIA, ROMANIA—"We can't help him unless he helps himself," said a villager. "Right now, all he seems to want to do is hang ...

    Domino's Scientists Test Limits Of What Humans Will Eat

    Despite ethical concerns about testing on humans, researchers say their work was necessary to determine the boundary between garbage and food.

    Genetic Scientists Develop Sheep With Brain Of A Goat

    After years of experiments and tens of millions of dollars, scientists have finally created a sheep that thinks and acts like a goat.

    • Comedy: Podmass: David Sedaris describes his bath time, cicadas are explained, and Wompler returns

    • TV: Interview: Mitchell Hurwitz talks about the resurrection of Arrested Development

    • TV: What's On Tonight?: Orphan Black stands alone over a long holiday weekend

    • How to Traumatize Your Children Book

    • Assorted Headlines Pint Glasses

    • Cheat to Win Bracelet

    • Web Series Reaches 100 Views

    • Could Plastic Surgery Be Your Ticket To Employment? - Dr. Good - Ep. 2

    • The Best Of Today Now!: Fresh Roasted Cup Of News

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Onion News Empire
    • The Onion Live!
    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved