Assisted Living Center Widower Has Eye On Cute, Hunched-Forward Little Number
BLOOMINGTON, IN—Local 88-year-old widower Willard Baskin announced his interest Wednesday in the dollfaced, sclerotic little number who lives down the hall from him at ...
Panicking Flu Swears It Didn’t Mean To Kill Old Lady
ROCKVILLE, MD—A visibly emotional, panic-stricken sub-strain of the H1N1 influenza A virus expressed deep shock and regret this morning, telling reporters it never meant ...
Really Hip 90-Year-Old Figures He Has Every Right To Torrent Glenn Miller's 'In The Mood'
CORAL GABLES, FL—Noting that he had already purchased the song for his wind-up Victrola seven decades ago, extremely hip 90-year-old Emmet McInerny insisted Monday ...
Romney Tailors Nursing Home Visit To Those Who Will Still Be Alive On Election Day
DAVENPORT, OH—While making campaign stops in Ohio Thursday, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney stopped by the Morningside Assisted-Living Center, where he talked exclusively to ...
Nation's Ninetysomethings Gear Up For Last Year Of Their Lives
BOCA RATON, FL—Excited ninetysomethings across the country announced Wednesday they were gearing up to take full advantage of what promises to be the final ...
