small towns

Longtime Coffee Shop Employee Thought Customers Would Care More About His Last Day 10.01.11

DENVER—Barista Andrew Fulton was reportedly underwhelmed Friday by the customer response to his final day at St. Mark's Coffeehouse, saying that after his four years of service, he had thought patrons would be more emotionally invested in his departure. more»

30 Years Of Man's Life Disappear In Mysterious 'Kansas Rectangle' 06.30.11

CHICAGO—The last known communication from Kevin Corcoran made reference to plans to marry a large blonde woman and enroll in a local technical college. more»

Town Of Davenport, Iowa Descends Into Hell Following Gay Marriage Ceremony 03.12.11

FORMER DAVENPORT, IA—Immediately following the performance of a same-sex marriage ceremony Sunday afternoon at Holy Christ Almighty Lutheran Church on Lincoln Avenue, the city of Davenport, IA and all 99,685 of its residents were reportedly smitten into oblivion by the merciless wrath of God and flung into the deepest bowels of eternal hell. more»

Congress Appropriates $3.17 To Rent 'Tango & Cash' 09.18.10

WASHINGTON—After weeks of debates, concessions, and committee hearings, the U.S. Senate finally passed legislation Tuesday to rent the 1989 action-comedy Tango & Cash. more»

Study: Whites To Be Minority In Donaldson Family By 2027

ISSUE 47•31 | 08.07.11 | News in Brief

AVONDALE, AZ—According to new projections released Monday, the white members of the Donaldson family are expected to find themselves in the minority by 2027. more»
Area Man Takes Up Piano For Sole Purpose Of Learning Jurassic Park Theme

07.04.11 | Newswire

Area Man Takes Up Piano For Sole Purpose Of Learning Jurassic Park Theme more»
Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

ISSUE 46•26 ISSUE 45•46 | 11.14.09 | News

ESCONDIDO, CA—Provoked by a presidential administration he believes is guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 46, has become a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution and principles that brave men have fought and died for solely in his head. more»
Town Proud Of Water Tower

ISSUE 45•40 | 10.02.09 | News in Brief

RICE, MN—Local residents reported Monday that the 157-foot-tall water tower in the center of town was the finest water storage structure in... more»
Local Bar Comes Out As Gay

ISSUE 44•26 ISSUE 44•19 | 05.09.08 | News

SEATTLE—"Once I saw two guys kissing in the bathroom, but I thought they were just drunk. Now it makes perfect sense, though," resident Frank Klein said. more»
Area Man Makes It Through Day

ISSUE 44•15 | 04.11.08 | News

SCHAUMBURG, IL—Besieged on all sides by such opponents as suburban conformity, inner emptiness, and virus laden spam e-mail, Adam Blume managed to survive another 24 hours. more»
I Remember When This Town Used To Turn Out For A River Dredging

ISSUE 43•48 | 11.28.07 | Commentary

Back not too long ago, there was a real sense of community in this town. Folks couldn't wait to see one another at the weekly ice-cream social or... more»
Sports Unable To Heal Small Town Following Tragedy

ISSUE 43•52 ISSUE 43•26 | 06.28.07 | News

MILL RUN, PA—In a town where residents are still in shock over last Sunday's brutal mass slaying, in which a mentally disturbed man shot 17 men, women, and children in Main Street's St. John The Baptist Church before turning his shotgun on... more»
Area Man's Quirky Hobby Kills 27

ISSUE 43•02 | 01.08.07 | News

NIPPERSINK, MI—Friends and neighbors of Matthew Malbert could hardly believe their eyes when they learned of this local character's offbeat pastime. more»
There's A Nude Sheriff In Town

ISSUE 41•44 | 11.02.05 | Commentary

Howdy, pardners. The name's Gunderson. Sheriff Bill Gunderson. You might remember me from the unattirin' at Black Gulch or the full moon at high... more»
What This Town Needs Is A Child In A Well

ISSUE 40•49 | 12.08.04 | Commentary

It seems like every house in this town has a fence, every door a lock. Our next-door neighbors have become strangers. We've lost touch with our friends. Our community's streets are safer than ever, but its residents have become isolated. We desperately need something to strengthen the common bonds that have weakened over time. If you ask me, what this town needs is a child in a well. more»
Man Has Derogatory Nickname For Every Neighboring Town

ISSUE 39•07 | 02.26.03 | News

VANDALIA, IL—Local resident Paul Sadecki, master of the geographic putdown, spares no nearby town from his clever name twists. more»
Drinking In Quarries Down 37 Percent, Small-Town Sheriffs Report

ISSUE 39•04 | 02.05.03 | News

WOODWARD, OK—U.S. teens are "getting wasted" down at the local quarry 37 percent less than in years past, according to the small-town sheriffs who closely monitor their activities. more»
What This Town Needs Is A Really Shitty Community Newspaper

ISSUE 38•47 | 12.18.02 | Commentary

Here in Park Hills, we get The Duluth News-Tribune, just like people do all over the greater Duluth area. But while that major daily does a perfectly adequate job keeping the people of Park Hills in touch with the goings-on of the city at large, it doesn't speak directly to our own local community. more»
80 Percent Of Small-Town Newspaper Written By Jerry Schoepke

ISSUE 38•15 | 04.24.02 | News

CRESTLINE, OH—Covering beats as diverse as Crestline city government, Crestline High School football, and Crestline births and deaths, Crestline Gazette reporter Jerry Schoepke writes an estimated 80 percent of the weekly community newspaper. more»
Wal-Mart Opens Store In Winesburg, Ohio

ISSUE 37•20 | 05.30.01 | News

WINESBURG, OH—In a "thematically fitting" move, Wal-Mart opened its newest store in the 25,000-person town. more»
Pudding-Factory Disaster Brings Slow, Creamy Death To Town Below

ISSUE 35•40 | 11.03.99 | News

CENTRALIA, IL—The death toll from the lip-smacking tragedy stands at 350. more»
White Family Moves To Town

ISSUE 35•23 | 06.16.99 | News

GLENCOE, IL—Shock, outrage and fear were just some of the emotions that failed to sweep through this affluent Chicago suburb Monday, when word got out among residents that a white family had moved to town over the weekend. more»
Desperate Small Town Erects World's Largest Fiberglass Chili Dog

ISSUE 33•12 | 04.01.98 | News

PURLEY, TX—After years of unsuccessful efforts to establish itself as a center of tourism, industry or Texas history, the tiny East Texas town of Purley finally put itself on the map Monday, when civic leaders unveiled the world's largest fiberglass chili dog. more»
Man With Shirt Off Terrifies Community

ISSUE 30•02 | 08.21.96 | News

MIDFORD, OHIO—Downtown Midford was rocked with terror yesterday when a man with his shirt off casually lounged in the sun, causing panic in the streets and striking desperate fear into the hearts of the town's citizenry. more»

small towns

Longtime Coffee Shop Employee Thought Customers Would Care More About His Last Day 10.01.11

30 Years Of Man's Life Disappear In Mysterious 'Kansas Rectangle' 06.30.11

Town Of Davenport, Iowa Descends Into Hell Following Gay Marriage Ceremony 03.12.11

Congress Appropriates $3.17 To Rent 'Tango & Cash' 09.18.10

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News in Photos

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Study: Whites To Be Minority In Donaldson Family By 2027

Area Man Takes Up Piano For Sole Purpose Of Learning Jurassic Park Theme

Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

Town Proud Of Water Tower

Local Bar Comes Out As Gay

Area Man Makes It Through Day

I Remember When This Town Used To Turn Out For A River Dredging

Sports Unable To Heal Small Town Following Tragedy

Area Man's Quirky Hobby Kills 27

There's A Nude Sheriff In Town

What This Town Needs Is A Child In A Well

Man Has Derogatory Nickname For Every Neighboring Town

Drinking In Quarries Down 37 Percent, Small-Town Sheriffs Report

What This Town Needs Is A Really Shitty Community Newspaper

80 Percent Of Small-Town Newspaper Written By Jerry Schoepke

Wal-Mart Opens Store In Winesburg, Ohio

Pudding-Factory Disaster Brings Slow, Creamy Death To Town Below

White Family Moves To Town

Desperate Small Town Erects World's Largest Fiberglass Chili Dog

Man With Shirt Off Terrifies Community

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U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan