Athlete’s Heartwarming Story Fucking Sucks
INDIANAPOLIS—Sources from across the nation confirmed Friday that the heartwarming story of Indianapolis Colts scout team player Marcus Newsome, a 31-year-old linebacker who realized ...
Report: Jets Players Lied About Concussion Symptoms To Get Out Of Games
NEW YORK—Bringing further attention to the NFL’s ongoing struggles with head-trauma-related issues, an anonymous survey published Thursday by ESPN revealed that multiple players ...
Lakers Confident They Just Need Another Once-In-A-Generation Player To Get Back On Track
LOS ANGELES—Despite his team’s dismal start to the NBA season, Los Angeles Lakers general manager Mitch Kupchak told reporters Wednesday that he believes ...
Jon Gruden Impressed By Every Blade Of Grass On Football Field
GREEN BAY, WI—Hailing their contribution to the game as “extraordinary” and “totally underrated,” ESPN Monday Night Football commentator Jon Gruden was reportedly full of ...
No One At CBS Remembers Hiring O.J. Simpson As Color Commentator
NEW YORK—Claiming that their hiring protocol for on-air talent is usually very meticulous, sources at CBS confirmed Sunday that no one within the network ...
