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  • Little League World Series to Begin Testing Players For Mustaches
  • Arena Sound Guy Given Cousin's Demo To Play During Timeouts
  • Office Prick Returns From Fantasy Camp
  • Hampered Kevin Garnett To See Age Specialist
  • Randy Moss Awkwardly Asks Brad Childress For Letter Of Recommendation
  • Suns Ownership Continually Dropping Hints To Steve Nash That He Should Demand Trade

MMA Fighter Unfortunately Discovers True Love For First Time On Morning Of Big Fight 02.21.12

TERRE HAUTE, IN—In an unfortunate instance of ill-timing, mixed martial artist Pat Schrode finally discovered the feeling of true, unrequited love Saturday morning just hours before his fight with Kyle Hendrix. more»

Suspicious-Looking Duffel Bag Spotted On Magic Bench Just Glen Davis 02.19.12

ORLANDO—The Orlando Magic were forced to evacuate the Amway Center prior to their game against Milwaukee Friday after team officials called security to investigate a large, suspicious duffel bag that turned out to be forward Glen Davis. more»

Tom Brady Cruelly Consolidates Power By Marrying Sister Off To Twisted But Influential Kevin Youkilis 02.18.12

BOSTON—While acknowledging Tom Brady’s decision to betroth his sister Julie to savage, lecherous Kevin Youkilis may be morally repugnant on a personal level, Boston sports analysts said Thursday the move should consolidate the superstar’... more»

New Sitcom To Feature Blocking Tight End Living With Pass-Catching Tight End 02.17.12

LOS ANGELES—CBS executives announced Friday they have ordered a full season of a new show called Loose Ends, a situation comedy about a buttoned-down NFL tight end known for his blocking ability who lives in a condo with his brash young teamm... more»

Sports Box
Strongside/Weakside

Jeremy Lin

Since coming out of nowhere two weeks ago, Jeremy Lin has rejuvenated the Knicks, reignited interest in basketball, and become a bona fide phenomenon.

Sportsgraphic

What To Look For In NASCAR This Year

Danica Patrick and fuel-injected cars are just two of the exciting changes NASCAR has in store for us this racing season.  

Sportsgraphic

College Football Signing Day

As Signing Day approaches, Onion Sports analysts break down the nation's top prep prospects. 

What To Watch For
Morning Tebow (OSN2) 10 a.m. EST/9 a.m. CST The guys look back on some of the best praise they gave Tim Tebow this past season and predict things they will praise him for this offseason.

Sports History
1933: The NFL helps ease the hopelessness of the Great Depression by awarding its new franchise, the Eagles, to an 8-year-old Philadelphia boy who found a $50 bill on the ground