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Jim Harbaugh Spends Post-Practice Interview Heaping Praise On Blade Of Grass That Really Impressed Him

ANN ARBOR, MI—Excitedly touting the toughness and perfect form that elevate it above the millions of blades he watches every day, Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh spent a post-practice interview Thursday heaping praise on a blade of grass on the field that really impressed him.

Heinz Introduces New Quick-Recovery Sports Ketchup

PITTSBURGH—Calling it a perfect way to rapidly replenish essential nutrients after an intense workout, Heinz on Wednesday introduced a new quick-recovery sports ketchup to their line of food products.

Report: Pickup Basketball Player Too Sweaty To Guard

MEMPHIS, TN—Allowing his competitive spirit to give way to revulsion, local 27-year-old Philip Rayburn reported Thursday that a fellow pickup basketball player was too sweaty to guard.

Milestones Of HBO’s ‘Hard Knocks’

With the 12th season of the critically-acclaimed documentary series premiering tonight, Onion Sports looks back on some of the show’s most memorable moments.

Man Immediately Regrets Borrowing Warm, Sweaty Baseball Glove

Rec Sports League Organizer Needs To Cool It With The Emails

BAKERSFIELD, CA—Citing the frequent and unnecessary missives sent out at all hours of the day, sources confirmed Friday that the league representative from the company Bakersfield Sportz needed to cool it with all the emails.

John Cena Purchases $4 Million 18th-Century Wrought Iron Cage At Auction

NANTUCKET, MA—Narrowly outbidding dozens of other competitors to take home the rare and precious antique, professional wrestler John Cena reportedly purchased an 18th-century wrought iron cage at auction Monday for $4 million.

Notable Celebrity Sports Fans

Wrigley Field Home Plate Collapses Under Weight Of Numerous Cubs Celebrating Home Run

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

Kirk Cousins Draws Up Cap-Friendly Contract Extension In Dirt

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Trump Boys Sadly Release Pet Alligator Into Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool

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Staffer Investigating Puddle Of Slime On Floor Looks Up To Discover Coworker Cocooned In Bannon Ooze

Olympics Considering Adding ESports To 2024 Games

Why Does It Seem Like Movie Ratings Are So Much Harder On Willem Dafoe Sex Than Willem Dafoe Violence?

5 Things To Know About Paul Ryan