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Highlights Of Melania Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech

America’s Finest News Source presents the key moments from the address of Melania Trump, wife of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, delivered on the first night of the 2016 Republican National Convention.
The Onion Reviews ‘Ghostbusters’

The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews ‘Ghostbusters’ in this week’s Film Standard.

5 Things To Know About The Chicago Cubs

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

The Longest Championship Droughts In Sports History

As the Chicago Cubs enter the NLCS seeking their first World Series title since 1908, Onion Sports examines the most notable championship droughts in history.

Retired David Ortiz Excited To Finally Eat Whatever He Wants

BOSTON—Having officially entered retirement after 20 seasons in Major League Baseball, former Red Sox designated hitter David Ortiz told reporters Thursday that he is excited to finally be able to eat whatever he wants.

Michelle Obama Throws Out A Bunch Of Barack’s Old Number 44 Jerseys

WASHINGTON—Using a large plastic trash bag to collect the uniforms scattered around their bedroom closet, Michelle Obama reportedly spent Wednesday afternoon throwing out many of her husband’s old number 44 jerseys.

MLB Mascots Union Demands More Bald Fans To Playfully Tease Between Innings

NEW YORK—Threatening to strike next season unless their conditions were immediately met, the MLB mascots union issued a statement Monday demanding more bald fans to playfully tease between innings.

Glove Stuck In Another Long-Winded Conversation With Clayton Kershaw

Disturbing MLB Postseason Commercial Claims October Is When The Maggots Feast On Rotting Pig Flesh

NEW YORK—Featuring various clips from past playoff games and what appears to be an abandoned slaughterhouse, a disturbing new MLB postseason commercial that began airing Friday claims October is when the maggots feast on rotting pig flesh.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?