BRISTOL, CT—Seeing the rolling corkboard in a way he never had before, ESPN analyst Mel Kiper Jr. reportedly shrugged off amorous feelings toward his 2017 NFL Draft Big Board while working late one night in his office, sources confirmed Tuesday.
WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
FINDLAY, OH—Gently setting down his PlayStation 3 controller and offering a congratulatory handshake, local father Gary Bullock reportedly became visibly emotional Wednesday after his 14-year-old son, Alex, beat him for the first time in a game of ‘NBA 2K17.’
WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
WASHINGTON—Noting that almost two-thirds of the nation’s postal workers were occupied with sorting and delivering the packages at any given time, an audit released Thursday by the U.S. Postal Service revealed that delivering college recruitment letters to five-star athletes comprises 83 percent of the agency’s annual revenue.