OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
NEW YORK—Insisting that he’s capable of reaching the same heights as in the past, small forward Carmelo Anthony told reporters Wednesday that he is confident he can still help a contender flame out in the first round.
ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
BEAVERTON, OR—Touting the undergarment as an essential item for women on the go, Nike released a new sports bra Monday designed for wearing directly under a coat while shambling around the grocery store, sources reported.
KANSAS CITY—His face dripping with sauce and strings of mozzarella cheese, New York Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia was reportedly chowing down on a homemade marinara baseball sub in the team’s dugout Wednesday.
CHICAGO—Saying that he is solely focused on becoming the best quarterback possible, a 22-year-old first-round draft pick who will get most of the franchise leadership fired told reporters Monday that he is “just here to win football games.”