summer music

Excitement Growing Among Beatles Fans For Paul McCartney's Funeral 12.07.10

Selection of the location for Paul McCartney's funeral is generating anticipation for the mourning period following his death. more»

97-Year-Old Dies Unaware Of Being Violin Prodigy 10.04.10

ROCKFORD, IL—Retired post office branch manager Nancy Hollander, 97, died at her home of natural causes Tuesday, after spending her life completely unaware that she was one of the most talented musicians of the past century and possessed the untapped ability to become a world-class violin virtuoso. more»

Justin Bieber Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile 09.28.10

Sex offender Michael Cote carefully engineered his rise to teen pop stardom to gain access to thousands of underage girls. more»

Guy Carrying Guitar Case On Elevator Envied By Everyone On Elevator, Imagines Guy 09.11.10

NEW YORK—A guy carrying a guitar case on a midtown Manhattan elevator was envied and admired by fellow passengers during the entirety of his 14-floor ride, the guitar-case- carrying man imagined Monday. more»

Video: Newsroom

Excitement Growing Among Beatles Fans For Paul McCartney's Funeral
News

97-Year-Old Dies Unaware Of Being Violin Prodigy
Video: Newsroom

Justin Bieber Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile
News

Guy Carrying Guitar Case On Elevator Envied By Everyone On Elevator, Imagines Guy

No One Has Heart To Ask Human Beat Box To Stop

ISSUE 47•27 | 07.08.11 | Radio News
Fucking 19-Year-Old Clerk At Fucking Musicland Has Never Even Heard Of Neil Fucking Young

ISSUE 47•26 | 07.06.11 | Radio News
Atonal Composers Gather For Atony Awards

ISSUE 47•26 | 07.05.11 | Radio News
Same Americans Who Made Taylor Swift Popular Polled On Constitutionality Of Health Care Reform

ISSUE 47•08 | 02.21.11 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON—Americans, a group of people directly responsible for the popularity of country-pop singer Taylor Swift, were asked by an independent research group Wednesday to share their thoughts on the constitutional implications of the Patient Prote... more»
Al-Qaeda Marching Band To Join Macy's Parade After Incredible Audition

ISSUE 46•47 | 11.22.10 | News in Brief

NEW YORK—Following an audition that "knocked [their] socks off," organizers of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade announced today they would allow the al-Qaeda Marching Band, the musical performance division of the international terrorist ... more»
Concert Spent Constantly Verifying Presence Of Coat-Check Ticket In Pocket

ISSUE 46•44 | 11.01.10 | News in Brief

PROVIDENCE, RI—Eric Zamore, 28, reportedly spent the majority of a concert Friday night frantically confirming that his coat-check ticket was still in his pants pocket. more»
Desperate Pandora Employees Scrambling To Find Song Area Man Likes

ISSUE 46•33 | 08.16.10 | News

OAKLAND, CA—The headquarters of personalized online music provider Pandora remained in a state of chaos Thursday as frantic workers struggled to find a song that 32-year-old Boston subscriber Dave Lipton would enjoy. more»
Lady Gaga Kidnaps Commissioner Gordon

ISSUE 46•30 | 07.27.10 | News in Brief

GOTHAM CITY—Supervillain Lady Gaga brazenly abducted Commis≠sioner James Gordon from a charity fundraiser Tuesday, leaving police baffled and the citizens of Gotham fearing for their safety. more»
Mapping The Ozzy Genome

ISSUE 46•28 | 07.15.10 | Infographic

Last month, the Cambridge, MA company Knome began mapping the complete DNA sequence for heavy metal singer and former reality star Ozzy Osbourne. Here are some of the discoveries made so far: more»
Rock Fans Outraged As Bob Dylan Goes Electronica

ISSUE 46•28 | 07.12.10 | News in Brief

NEWPORT, RI—Audience members at the Newport Rock Festival were "outraged" Monday when rock icon Bob Dylan followed up such classic hits as "Like A Rolling Stone" and "Maggie's Farm" with an electronica set composed of a... more»
Restoration Of 'Star Spangled Banner' Uncovers Horrifying New Verses

ISSUE 46•26 | 07.01.10 | Today Now!

Susan Eckman from The National Archives comes on Today Now! to share newly discovered National Anthem verses about brutally decapitating enemies during the War of 1812. more»
Cubs Organ Player Getting Into Heavier, Darker Stuff

ISSUE 46•23 | 06.16.10 | Sports News in Brief

CHICAGO—Over the past several weeks, longtime Cubs organist Gary Pressy has gradually stopped playing the light ballpark-organ riffs that typically fill Wrigley Field's stands in favor of more broody, chilling songs. more»
Is This The New Face Of Jazz Or Getty Images Stock Photo #LS008662?

ISSUE 46•23 | 06.11.10 | Sunday Magazine
Heckled Christian Rock Band Knows How Jesus Felt

ISSUE 46•20 | 05.17.10 | News

COLUMBIA, MO—After walking off stage to a chorus of boos, threats, and obscenities, local Christian rock band Enter the Kingdom told reporters Friday that they now knew exactly how Jesus felt when he was persecuted. more»
Ice Cream Man Hopes Scott Joplin Is In Hell

ISSUE 46•19 | 05.15.10 | News in Photos
Are These Guys Third Eye Blind?

ISSUE 46•13 | 04.02.10 | Sunday Magazine
Aw, What The Hell, Here's The Micro-Walkman We've Been Developing For 20 Years

ISSUE 46•13 | 04.01.10 | Commentary

Twenty years ago, my colleagues and I envisioned a radical new product that would revolutionize the portable stereo market. more»
Jay-Z: 'On Second Thought, I Like Orlando More'

ISSUE 46•03 | 01.19.10 | News in Brief

ORLANDO, FL—Though known for his personal homages to New York City in songs such as "Brooklyn's Finest" and "Empire State of Mind," hip-hop... more»
Rod Stewart Mistaken For Elderly Aunt

ISSUE 48•14 ISSUE 45•50 | 12.12.09 | News in Photos
DEA Recruits Lil Wayne To Use Up All Drugs In Mexico

ISSUE 45•50 | 12.07.09 | Newsroom

The DEA says Lil Wayne is an indispensable weapon against Mexican drug cartels having eradicated 40 tons of marijuana alone by smoking it himself. more»
Man Who Enjoys Popular Rock Songs Discovers Perfect Radio Station

ISSUE 45•48 | 11.26.09 | News in Brief

ROCHESTER, NY—Sean Ridgeway, a 36-year-old carpenter who is fond of popular rock 'n' roll music from the late 1960s to the present, told... more»
Shakira Just Not Feeling Up To Jiggling Ass Today

ISSUE 45•48 | 11.24.09 | News in Photos
Billboard Seems Oddly Proud Sting Will Be Playing At Foxwoods Casino

ISSUE 45•52 | 11.17.09 | News in Photos
Cheering Crowd Actually Trying To Get Attention Of Guy Behind Iron Maiden

ISSUE 45•41 | 10.10.09 | News in Photos
Ominous Music Heard Throughout U.S. Sends Nation Into Panic

ISSUE 45•35 | 08.24.09 | Newsroom

Government officials have not determined the source of the music or what it could portend, but they urge Americans to avoid deserted mansions, woods, and eerily quiet lake cabins. more»

summer music

Excitement Growing Among Beatles Fans For Paul McCartney's Funeral 12.07.10

97-Year-Old Dies Unaware Of Being Violin Prodigy 10.04.10

Justin Bieber Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile 09.28.10

Guy Carrying Guitar Case On Elevator Envied By Everyone On Elevator, Imagines Guy 09.11.10

Video: Newsroom

News

Video: Newsroom

News

Infographic

News in Photos

Sunday Magazine

No One Has Heart To Ask Human Beat Box To Stop

Fucking 19-Year-Old Clerk At Fucking Musicland Has Never Even Heard Of Neil Fucking Young

Atonal Composers Gather For Atony Awards

Same Americans Who Made Taylor Swift Popular Polled On Constitutionality Of Health Care Reform

Al-Qaeda Marching Band To Join Macy's Parade After Incredible Audition

Concert Spent Constantly Verifying Presence Of Coat-Check Ticket In Pocket

Desperate Pandora Employees Scrambling To Find Song Area Man Likes

Lady Gaga Kidnaps Commissioner Gordon

Mapping The Ozzy Genome

Rock Fans Outraged As Bob Dylan Goes Electronica

Restoration Of 'Star Spangled Banner' Uncovers Horrifying New Verses

Cubs Organ Player Getting Into Heavier, Darker Stuff

Is This The New Face Of Jazz Or Getty Images Stock Photo #LS008662?

Heckled Christian Rock Band Knows How Jesus Felt

Ice Cream Man Hopes Scott Joplin Is In Hell

Are These Guys Third Eye Blind?

Aw, What The Hell, Here's The Micro-Walkman We've Been Developing For 20 Years

Jay-Z: 'On Second Thought, I Like Orlando More'

Rod Stewart Mistaken For Elderly Aunt

DEA Recruits Lil Wayne To Use Up All Drugs In Mexico

Man Who Enjoys Popular Rock Songs Discovers Perfect Radio Station

Shakira Just Not Feeling Up To Jiggling Ass Today

Billboard Seems Oddly Proud Sting Will Be Playing At Foxwoods Casino

Cheering Crowd Actually Trying To Get Attention Of Guy Behind Iron Maiden

Ominous Music Heard Throughout U.S. Sends Nation Into Panic

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan