Fully Leveled-Up Video Game Character Marvels At How Far He's Come
WINDHELM, SKYRIM—Having completely filled out his skill tree, obtained every unique item, and successfully completed each quest and subquest within the expansive virtual world ...
New, Improved Google Maps Lets User Launch Missile At Any Location On Globe
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Tech giant Google announced Wednesday that their newest version of Maps will enable users to fire a missile at any location on ...
Nation Excited To See Whatever Bile The Internet Spews Up Today
WASHINGTON—According to reports, the American people are currently rubbing their hands in anticipation for whatever vile, disgusting garbage the internet will eventually puke up ...
Report: Texting While Driving Okay If You Look Up Every Couple Seconds
WASHINGTON—A new report published Monday by the National Transportation Safety Board advises motorists that sending text messages while driving “is totally fine” and “not ...
Weeping Tim Cook Spotted Screaming For Help At Steve Jobs’ Tombstone
PALO ALTO, CA—Eighteen months after the death of his mentor, Apple CEO Tim Cook was seen Wednesday pounding the tombstone of company founder Steve ...
