Islamic Extremist Gives Up On Radicalizing Dim-Witted Friend

PHILADELPHIA—After months of attempting to indoctrinate his friend with the militant ideology of Islamic fundamentalism, local man Khalid Sayed, an Islamic extremist actively working ...

Flag In Front Of Post Office Can Hardly Remember A Time It Wasn't Flying Half-Staff

MINERAL, VA—After this week’s bombing at the Boston Marathon prompted employees at a local post office to once again partially lower their American ...

Every Family Member's Birthday Now Marred By Some Tragedy

PENSACOLA, FL—After Monday’s deadly explosions at the Boston Marathon cast a pall over Conner Mason’s 7th birthday celebration, the Mason family reportedly ...

Authorities: Sadly, There Are Many People Who Could Have Done This

BOSTON—In the aftermath of yesterday’s bombings at the Boston Marathon, which left three dead and over 100 wounded, authorities announced this morning that ...

Area Man Growing A Little Tired Of Rushing Home To Hug Loved Ones

ST. LOUIS—Following the deadly explosions Monday that rocked the city of Boston, area man Tom Sifton told reporters he’s getting pretty tired of ...

Terrorist Has No Idea What To Do With All This Plutonium

ZAHEDAN, IRAN—Yaquub Akhtar said the only thing his confusing weapons of mass destruction are destroying is his ability to kill infidels.

Trick-Or-Treaters To Be Subject To Random Bag Searches

WASHINGTON, DC—Responding to "a possible threat of terror and fright," Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff announced Monday that trick-or-treaters will be subject ...

God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again

Islamic Extremist Gives Up On Radicalizing Dim-Witted Friend

Flag In Front Of Post Office Can Hardly Remember A Time It Wasn't Flying Half-Staff

Every Family Member's Birthday Now Marred By Some Tragedy

Authorities: Sadly, There Are Many People Who Could Have Done This

Area Man Growing A Little Tired Of Rushing Home To Hug Loved Ones

News in Photos

Congressman Boehner's Terror Alert Skin Set Back To Orange

News in Photos

New Bomb Capable Of Creating 1,500 New Terrorists In Single Blast

Terrorist Has No Idea What To Do With All This Plutonium

Trick-Or-Treaters To Be Subject To Random Bag Searches

God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again

Officials Uncertain Whether To Save Or Shoot Victims

Nation's Politicians Applaud Great Job They're Doing

Area Man Drives Food There His Goddamned Self ...