workplace

Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter 05.24.12

PITTSBURGH—Having established a reputation among the Flagstone Marketing staff as a quiet and reserved temporary worker, Kevin Bright completely shocked his coworkers this week when it was discovered that, outside the office, the mild-mannered... more»

Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter 05.24.12

Kevin Bright's coworkers were shocked to learn that the mild-mannered, reserved temp spends his free time performing shitty music. more»

Study: 89 Percent Of Networking Nonconsensual 01.27.11

ATLANTA—A new study published Tuesday by Emory University determined that 89 percent of networking encounters occur forcibly and without the consent of one of the parties involved, a disturbing finding that suggests far more people are victims of unwanted career-related discussions than was previously thought. more»

Weird Coworker Knows Where Every NFL Player Went To College 09.21.10

PHILADELPHIA—Whether it be a top rookie from last year's draft or an obscure offensive lineman who has been in the league for 14 years, SRS Consulting's Ryan Janis seems to know where every NFL player went to college, his coworkers confirmed Monday. more»

News

Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter
Video: Onion Special Report

Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter
News

Study: 89 Percent Of Networking Nonconsensual
Sports News in Brief

Weird Coworker Knows Where Every NFL Player Went To College

Report: 5th Floor A Bunch Of Pompous Dicks

ISSUE 48•21 | 05.25.12 | News in Brief

SEATTLE—Citing their stuck-up attitudes and stupid, hip little outfits, a devastating new report from Waverly Building sources found Tuesday that the people who work on the fifth floor are a bunch of pompous dicks. more»
Management Determined To Find Out Who In Company Leaked Information That CEO Is Asshole

ISSUE 47•42 | 10.19.11 | News in Brief

NEW YORK—Employees at software maker Rosgrove Inc. report they were harshly reprimanded Wednesday morning when executives demanded to know who leaked proprietary information confirming CEO Dan Murray is an asshole. more»
Workplace

ISSUE 47•43 | 10.11.11 | Video Playlist
'It's A Privilege To Have Worked With Such Talented People,' Says Coworker Getting The Fuck Out Of There

ISSUE 47•16 | 04.21.11 | News in Brief

EUGENE, OR—During his final day of work at R&C Media on Friday, consultant Carlton Davies told coworkers it was "an honor" to have worked with such a gifted and talented group of people, even though he's spent the past two weeks litera... more»
Longer Work Day May Increase Heart Attack Risk

ISSUE 47•14 | 04.07.11 | American Voices

A new study revealed that people who worked 11 or more hours a day ran a 67 percent greater risk of having a heart attack than those who worked seven or eight hours a day. more»
'I Make My Own Hours,' Says Man About To Get Fired

ISSUE 47•11 | 03.19.11 | News in Brief

NEW YORK—Marketing associate Jack Hilliard has carved out a pretty nice little setup wherein he has the freedom to make his own hours and come and go to work as he pleases, the 41-year-old who is on the verge of losing his job told reporters Monday. more»
Drugs Now Legal If User Is Employed

ISSUE 46•48 | 11.29.10 | Radio News
Group That Makes Dodge Truck Commercials Called 'Creative Team'

ISSUE 46•47 | 11.24.10 | News in Brief

LOS ANGELES—The group of professional adults responsible for making television commercials in which Dodge trucks drive through various wilderness environments or haul noticeably heavy objects is referred to by the auto manufacturer as "the crea... more»
Coworkers Accidentally Lock Eyes Through Small Space In Bathroom Stall Door

11.22.10 | Newswire
Row Of Asterisks Spices Up Otherwise Ordinary E-Mail

ISSUE 46•46 | 11.17.10 | News in Brief

HOUSTON—Seven minds were blown Monday when employees of Houston Seed and Supply opened an e-mail containing a row of asterisks, a groundbreaking textual embellishment that recipients said caught them off guard but utterly captured their imaginations... more»
Company To Get Head Start On Christmas Layoffs This Year

ISSUE 46•46 | 11.15.10 | News in Brief

OAK BROOK, IL—Confirming their intention not to wait until the last minute the way they usually do, executives at Visatex Inc. more»
Actors Attached To The Project Over The Years

ISSUE 46•39 | 09.30.10 | Slideshow
Manager Hates To See You Go

ISSUE 46•37 | 09.14.10 | Radio News
Health Insurance Costs Shifting To Workers

ISSUE 46•36 | 09.10.10 | American Voices

Employees paid an average of 14 percent more for family health coverage this year, while the amount contributed by their employers fell by 1 percent. more»
Person With Almost No Responsibility Always Stressed Out

ISSUE 46•33 | 08.19.10 | News in Brief

RALEIGH, NC—Friends of local man James Perry, reported Tuesday that the 29-year-old somehow lives in a perpetual state of anxiety and agitation despite of his total lack of any meaningful personal or professional responsibilities. more»
Man Who Knocked On Bathroom Door Earlier Sitting At Desk Like Nothing Happened

08.13.10 | Newswire
The Workplace

ISSUE 46•32 | 08.10.10 | Slideshow
Report: Unemployment High Because People Keep Blowing Their Job Interviews

ISSUE 46•30 | 07.29.10 | News

WASHINGTON—With unemployment at its highest level in decades, the U.S. Department of Labor issued a report Tuesday suggesting the crisis is primarily the result of millions of Americans just completely blowing their job interviews. more»
Area Man Going To Great Lengths To Conceal His Perfectly Normal Behavior

ISSUE 46•29 | 07.21.10 | News in Brief

DENVER—Local account manager Kevin Verhulst turned off his phone, lied to coworkers, and left work early Wednesday in an elaborate ploy to prevent anyone from knowing that he was about to engage in behavior that would, at worst, be characterized as ... more»
New College Graduates To Be Cryogenically Frozen Until Job Market Improves

ISSUE 46•11 | 03.15.10 | News

WASHINGTON—Sponsors of the initiative said that with the national unemployment rate at just under 10 percent, it only made sense for young job-seekers to temporarily enter a state of supercooled stasis. more»
Wal-Mart Cuts Over 13,000 Of What It Calls Jobs

ISSUE 46•06 | 02.09.10 | News

BENTONVILLE, AR—"First, we tried cutting what is hard for me in good conscience to even call benefits,” said Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke. "We even tried negotiating with what we would probably refer to as the workers' union if, in fact, they even had such a thing." more»
Hospital Paperwork Reduces Man's Reading Comprehension To First-Grade Level

ISSUE 46•05 | 02.02.10 | News in Brief

HOUSTON—The frustrating paperwork for a routine visit to St. Luke's Episcopal Hospital reduced Kenneth Anderson's reading comprehension to a... more»
Roommate's Work Schedule Remains Complete And Total Mystery

ISSUE 46•02 | 01.16.10 | News

BOSTON—"I'm not sure exactly what he does, but I think he said he works at this place where he makes these calls to people for these events," said Kyle Fisher, who added that, from what he can tell, his roommate works anywhere from 10 to 60 hours a week. more»
Man Unable To Wear Nice Clothes Without Everyone Asking Questions

ISSUE 46•01 | 01.05.10 | News in Brief

MENASHA, WI—Expressing his growing frustration, IT support technician Chris Brennan, 28, told reporters Monday that he is incapable of... more»
Gunman Thought Coworkers Would Be Back From Lunch By Now

ISSUE 45•48 | 11.27.09 | News

NEW YORK—"Huh, I wonder where everyone is," said the emotionally disturbed publishing professional, bringing the high-powered assault weapon down from eye-level and slowly snapping the safety back on. "Definitely thought they'd be back from that sandwich place by now." more»

workplace

Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter 05.24.12

Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter 05.24.12

Study: 89 Percent Of Networking Nonconsensual 01.27.11

Weird Coworker Knows Where Every NFL Player Went To College 09.21.10

News

Video: Onion Special Report

News

Sports News in Brief

Statshot

Statshot

News in Photos

Report: 5th Floor A Bunch Of Pompous Dicks

Management Determined To Find Out Who In Company Leaked Information That CEO Is Asshole

Workplace

'It's A Privilege To Have Worked With Such Talented People,' Says Coworker Getting The Fuck Out Of There

Longer Work Day May Increase Heart Attack Risk

'I Make My Own Hours,' Says Man About To Get Fired

Drugs Now Legal If User Is Employed

Group That Makes Dodge Truck Commercials Called 'Creative Team'

Coworkers Accidentally Lock Eyes Through Small Space In Bathroom Stall Door

Row Of Asterisks Spices Up Otherwise Ordinary E-Mail

Company To Get Head Start On Christmas Layoffs This Year

Actors Attached To The Project Over The Years

Manager Hates To See You Go

Health Insurance Costs Shifting To Workers

Person With Almost No Responsibility Always Stressed Out

Man Who Knocked On Bathroom Door Earlier Sitting At Desk Like Nothing Happened

The Workplace

Report: Unemployment High Because People Keep Blowing Their Job Interviews

Area Man Going To Great Lengths To Conceal His Perfectly Normal Behavior

New College Graduates To Be Cryogenically Frozen Until Job Market Improves

Wal-Mart Cuts Over 13,000 Of What It Calls Jobs

Hospital Paperwork Reduces Man's Reading Comprehension To First-Grade Level

Roommate's Work Schedule Remains Complete And Total Mystery

Man Unable To Wear Nice Clothes Without Everyone Asking Questions

Gunman Thought Coworkers Would Be Back From Lunch By Now

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan