World

Kim Jong-Un Privately Doubting He's Crazy Enough To Run North Korea 12.18.11

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—In surprisingly candid remarks Thursday, Kim Jong-un, heir apparent to North Korea's highest government post, expressed doubt that he was sufficiently out of his mind to succeed his father, longtime dictator Kim Jong-il. more»

Year In Review: Revolution In Egypt Either Courageous Or Stupid Depending On Outcome 12.08.11

Back in February, the people of Egypt revolted against their dictator, Hosni Mubarak, in brave act of insurrection that could've turned into a really awful bloodbath had things gone a different way. more»

Doofus Chilean Miner Stuck Down There Again 12.02.11

A local robot is not programmed for that, but whatever, 54 Iraqi civilians die in not our problem anymore, and the U.S. more»

Osprey Devours Lion In Massive Food-Chain Shake-Up 12.01.11

DAR ES SALAAM—With its dramatic depiction of an osprey stalking, killing, and eating a lion, a video released Tuesday reveals what alarmed scientists have described as a massive and shocking disruption of the global food chain. The graphic footage, ... more»

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Kim Jong-Un Privately Doubting He's Crazy Enough To Run North Korea
Video: Onion News Network On IFC

Year In Review: Revolution In Egypt Either Courageous Or Stupid Depending On Outcome
Video: Onion Review

Doofus Chilean Miner Stuck Down There Again
News

Osprey Devours Lion In Massive Food-Chain Shake-Up

North Korea Returns To Normalcy With Synchronized Disco Jump-Rope Gala

ISSUE 48•04 | 01.24.12 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON—In a sign that North Korea is finally returning to normal following the death of Kim Jong-il, the country reportedly held a festive synchronized disco jump-rope gala in Pyongyang's main public square this week. more»
2011's Top 5 International Newsmakers

ISSUE 47•50 | 12.13.11 | Slideshow

Today The Onion counts down the biggest names in international news, from leaders removed from power to those still happily rigging national elections. more»
2011: International

ISSUE 47•50 | 12.13.11 | American Voices

This year saw political unrest in the Middle East and Russia, economic crisis in Europe, and a former president of the Ivory Coast on trial in the Hague. more»
54 Iraqis Die In Not Our Problem Anymore

ISSUE 47•48 | 11.30.11 | News

BAGHDAD—A series of massive explosions ripped through a crowded central Baghdad market on Friday, killing at least 54 Iraqi citizens in not our problem anymore. Shortly before noon local time, according to sources, four trucks loaded with explo... more»
Mass Grave Blasted For Lack Of Diversity

ISSUE 47•47 | 11.24.11 | Radio News
Report: Some Sick Fuck Out There Now Supporting Herman Cain Because Of Sexual Assault Allegations

ISSUE 47•48 | 11.18.11 | Onion Review

The U.S. offers franchising opportunities to increase revenue, Jessica Milly puts out, and Dad's new 20-year-old Thai boyfriend really sucks at Scattergories. more»
China Uneasy About American Troop Deployment

ISSUE 47•48 | 11.18.11 | American Voices

A recent American plan to place 2,500 Marines in Australia has fanned tensions between the United States and China. more»
Nation To Bring In Revenue By Offering Official United States Of America Franchise Opportunities

ISSUE 47•45 | 11.15.11 | News

WASHINGTON—Amidst continued deadlock over how to rein in the federal deficit, government officials announced plans Tuesday to increase revenue by offering franchise opportunities to entrepreneurs who wish to start their own United States of America.... more»
Report: Military Contractor Overcharged Pentagon For Torturing Iraqi Citizens

ISSUE 47•45 | 11.13.11 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON—Pentagon officials expressed outrage when an independent audit revealed Tuesday that defense contractor KBR Inc. more»
Berlusconi To Step Down

ISSUE 47•45 | 11.10.11 | American Voices

Having lost the support of his coalition in Parliament, Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi—the dominant force in Italian politics for nearly two decades—announced he would resign following the passage of new budget reforms. more»
Report: It All Some Kind Of Sick Joke

ISSUE 47•45 | 11.09.11 | News

PRINCETON, NJ—According to a new report published this week, researchers at Princeton University and the Institute for Advanced Study have definitively concluded that it—all of it—is some kind of sick joke. The comprehensive study, which... more»
Satire Mag Burned For Muhammad Cartoon

ISSUE 47•44 | 11.04.11 | American Voices

Hours before publishing a depiction of the Prophet Muhammad on its cover, the French satirical weekly Charlie Hebdo had its offices firebombed. more»
Anonymous Targets Drug Cartel

ISSUE 47•44 | 11.02.11 | American Voices

Claiming one of its members has been kidnapped by Mexico’s Zetas cartel, the hacker group Anonymous has threatened to publish names, photos, and addresses of the drug ring’s supporters if the alleged abductee is not released. more»
Population Reaches 7 Billion

ISSUE 47•44 | 10.31.11 | American Voices

According to the United Nations, the population of Earth will reach 7 billion today. What do you think? more»
Tsunami Debris Approaching U.S.

ISSUE 47•43 | 10.27.11 | American Voices

Debris from the Japanese tsunami in March is now approaching Hawaii and is predicted to hit the West Coast of the U.S. more»
U.S. Back On Top As Gas Prices Drop Slightly

ISSUE 47•41 | 10.12.11 | News

WASHINGTON—With gasoline prices dropping a full 26 cents from where they were a month ago, a new era of confidence and hope washed over Americans this week, confirming the United States is once again the greatest nation in the world. more»
Saudi Women Receive Husbands' Explicit Permission To Celebrate Right To Vote

ISSUE 47•41 | 10.11.11 | News in Brief

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—In the wake of the watershed decision granting them the right to vote in the 2015 elections, Saudi women have received their husbands' explicit consent to rejoice, sources reported Wednesday. more»
Last Bastion Of U.S. Economy Succumbs To Pancreatic Cancer

ISSUE 47•40 | 10.07.11 | Onion Review

American voters are worried about botching another election, everybody is shocked that a body found in the woods is not Jason, and a new study finds a link between reading text on computer screens and cancer. more»
Civilization To Hold Off On Having Any More Kids For A While

ISSUE 47•40 | 10.03.11 | News

PLANET EARTH—Facing what it called "a lot of uncertainty" on all six inhabited continents, the global civilization of the species Homo sapiens released a statement Monday announcing it would be "just sort of holding off on the idea of having any more kids for the time being." more»
Putin Moves To Return To Presidency

ISSUE 47•39 | 09.27.11 | American Voices

Former president and current prime minister Vladimir Putin of Russia announced at a meeting of his party that he would run for president again in 2012. more»
Iran Releases 200,000 More Jailed American Tourists As Goodwill Gesture

ISSUE 47•39 | 09.26.11 | Newswire

Iran Releases 200,000 More Jailed American Tourists As Goodwill Gesture more»
U.N. Address Ends In Tragedy As Ahmadinejad Suffers Third Degree Burns From Malfunctioning Pyrotechnics

ISSUE 47•38 | 09.22.11 | News in Brief

NEW YORK—Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's highly anticipated annual address to the U.N. General Assembly ended in tragedy today when an onstage pyrotechnics mishap left the Iranian president with third-degree burns covering 40 percent of his body. more»
First-Ever Gay 'Dear John' Letters Begin Reaching U.S. Troops Overseas

ISSUE 47•50 ISSUE 47•38 | 09.21.11 | News

BAGRAM, AFGHANISTAN—Hailed as a monumental step toward equality by gay rights activists, hundreds of Dear John letters reportedly began reaching newly outed troops overseas this week, notifying soldiers for the first time ever that their same-sex partners back home were leaving them and starting a new life with someone else. more»
Public Bathroom's Condition Why World's Problems Are Unfixable

ISSUE 47•38 | 09.20.11 | Newswire

Public Bathroom's Condition Why World's Problems Are Unfixable more»
Lack Of Media Interest Makes Genocide Cover-Up Unnecessary

ISSUE 47•37 | 09.13.11 | News in Brief

AFMADOW, SOMALIA—Utter global disinterest in the wholesale slaughter of 250,000 ethnic Bajuni people this week has caused Somali warlord Maj. more»

World

Kim Jong-Un Privately Doubting He's Crazy Enough To Run North Korea 12.18.11

Year In Review: Revolution In Egypt Either Courageous Or Stupid Depending On Outcome 12.08.11

Doofus Chilean Miner Stuck Down There Again 12.02.11

Osprey Devours Lion In Massive Food-Chain Shake-Up 12.01.11

News

Video: Onion News Network On IFC

Video: Onion Review

News

News in Photos

Sunday Magazine

News in Photos

North Korea Returns To Normalcy With Synchronized Disco Jump-Rope Gala

2011's Top 5 International Newsmakers

2011: International

54 Iraqis Die In Not Our Problem Anymore

Mass Grave Blasted For Lack Of Diversity

Report: Some Sick Fuck Out There Now Supporting Herman Cain Because Of Sexual Assault Allegations

China Uneasy About American Troop Deployment

Nation To Bring In Revenue By Offering Official United States Of America Franchise Opportunities

Report: Military Contractor Overcharged Pentagon For Torturing Iraqi Citizens

Berlusconi To Step Down

Report: It All Some Kind Of Sick Joke

Satire Mag Burned For Muhammad Cartoon

Anonymous Targets Drug Cartel

Population Reaches 7 Billion

Tsunami Debris Approaching U.S.

U.S. Back On Top As Gas Prices Drop Slightly

Saudi Women Receive Husbands' Explicit Permission To Celebrate Right To Vote

Last Bastion Of U.S. Economy Succumbs To Pancreatic Cancer

Civilization To Hold Off On Having Any More Kids For A While

Putin Moves To Return To Presidency

Iran Releases 200,000 More Jailed American Tourists As Goodwill Gesture

U.N. Address Ends In Tragedy As Ahmadinejad Suffers Third Degree Burns From Malfunctioning Pyrotechnics

First-Ever Gay 'Dear John' Letters Begin Reaching U.S. Troops Overseas

Public Bathroom's Condition Why World's Problems Are Unfixable

Lack Of Media Interest Makes Genocide Cover-Up Unnecessary

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan