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How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

10 Celebrities You Never Knew Were Abducted And Murdered By Andie MacDowell

Corbin Bernsen is perhaps best known for his role in the hit ’80s TV drama L.A. Law, but we bet you didn’t realize he was yet another victim of Green Card star Andie MacDowell! In 2010, the Hollywood actress dragged a screaming Bernsen into the trunk of her car before driving him out into the Mojave Desert and shooting him in the head.
Does this man look familiar to you? Why, it’s Haley Joel Osment, star of The Sixth Sense, and one of the dozens of people taken from their homes and killed by Andie MacDowell!
When you think of Fergie, you probably immediately think of the sexy seductress singing on stage with the Black Eyed Peas, but back in 2012, the pop star was handcuffed to a metal drain pipe by Andie MacDowell and left to starve to death.
Did you know that, according to forensic evidence, Roy Orbison marked a young Andie MacDowell’s first foray into cannibalism?
A bit of TV trivia: The entire cast of Jericho was kidnapped, tortured, and subsequently murdered by Andie MacDowell in 2008, bringing an abrupt end to the beloved CBS series.
While American swimming legend Mark Spitz hasn’t been kidnapped or killed by Andie MacDowell yet, it is well known that he fits her typical “target kill type” and now travels with bodyguard protection to ensure he is not abducted by the Groundhog Day star.
Before there was Barney and Captain Kangaroo, there was pioneering television actor Soupy Sales. Andie MacDowell murdered him in 2009.
Jonathan Lipnicki captured our hearts in ’90s classics Stuart Little and Jerry Maguire, but did you know Andie MacDowell cut out his heart while the boy was still alive? The former model abducted the child from his family’s home in Westlake Village, CA and bled him to death in her Beverly Hills mansion on April 10, 2001. He is buried throughout her extensive estate.
On a slightly unrelated note, MacDowell was an utter delight in Multiplicity. A deft performance from one of America's most overlooked comic actresses.
Weight-loss poster boy Jared Fogel lost a little more than he bargained for when he stopped to give MacDowell some directions in Studio City last Tuesday! After dragging him into her car and sedating him with a horse tranquilizer, MacDowell cut Jared’s stomach out of his abdominal cavity and used it to muffle his moans as she sawed off both legs and his penis. Who knew!
And did you know that former L’Oréal spokesperson and fugitive kidnapper and murderer Andie MacDowell took her own life earlier this year amid a tense armed standoff with Los Angeles police and federal marshals?

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