10 Celebrities You Never Knew Were Abducted And Murdered By Andie MacDowell

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Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

The award-winning AMC series Mad Men ended its seven-season run on Sunday night and drew critical acclaim for its final episode, a conclusion that many felt was poignant and satisfying. Here are some other memorable TV finales across the years

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

After months of speculation, Fox has announced that it is bringing back its hit ’90s TV show The X-Files, about a team of FBI special agents investigating unsolved cases about strange and paranormal phenomena, for at least six new episodes...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...

Half Of Hollywood Test Group Screened Placebo Film

LOS ANGELES—Saying the methodology helps them ensure unbiased results in their marketing research, studio executives at Paramount Pictures confirmed that during a Hollywood test screening this week they showed half of all theatergoers a placebo film...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 6, 2015

ARIES: One of the worst moments of a person's life is when they finally realize that they're mortal and are going to die, especially when it's a person like you who only sees the cement truck at the last second.

A Timeline Of Upcoming Superhero Movies

Following the massive successes of the Spider-Man, Batman, Avengers, and X-Men franchises, studios Marvel and DC Entertainment have announced as many as 40 upcoming superhero movies to be released over the next six years ...

Sesame Street’s 45th Anniversary: A Look Back

Sesame Street, the long-running PBS children’s television show starring a cast of Jim Henson muppets who teach children basic learning concepts and introduce them to difficult issues, turns 45 this week.

TV Show Under Fire For Depicting Murder

LOS ANGELES—In what is being described as perhaps the most shocking and distasteful moment in broadcast history, the popular primetime television show Criminal Minds is facing heavy criticism today for airing an episode that depicted the act ...
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Coworkers Pull Off Daring One-Hour Lunch Break

TUCSON, AZ—Saying they couldn’t believe such a wild exploit had even been attempted, employees at local marketing firm Synergy Media Services told reporters they were still completely dumbfounded Thursday after account manager Tim Gibbons managed to pull off a daring one-hour lunch break.

Comedy

10 Celebrities You Never Knew Were Abducted And Murdered By Andie MacDowell

Corbin Bernsen is perhaps best known for his role in the hit ’80s TV drama L.A. Law, but we bet you didn’t realize he was yet another victim of Green Card star Andie MacDowell! In 2010, the Hollywood actress dragged a screaming Bernsen into the trunk of her car before driving him out into the Mojave Desert and shooting him in the head.
Does this man look familiar to you? Why, it’s Haley Joel Osment, star of The Sixth Sense, and one of the dozens of people taken from their homes and killed by Andie MacDowell!
When you think of Fergie, you probably immediately think of the sexy seductress singing on stage with the Black Eyed Peas, but back in 2012, the pop star was handcuffed to a metal drain pipe by Andie MacDowell and left to starve to death.
Did you know that, according to forensic evidence, Roy Orbison marked a young Andie MacDowell’s first foray into cannibalism?
A bit of TV trivia: The entire cast of Jericho was kidnapped, tortured, and subsequently murdered by Andie MacDowell in 2008, bringing an abrupt end to the beloved CBS series.
While American swimming legend Mark Spitz hasn’t been kidnapped or killed by Andie MacDowell yet, it is well known that he fits her typical “target kill type” and now travels with bodyguard protection to ensure he is not abducted by the Groundhog Day star.
Before there was Barney and Captain Kangaroo, there was pioneering television actor Soupy Sales. Andie MacDowell murdered him in 2009.
Jonathan Lipnicki captured our hearts in ’90s classics Stuart Little and Jerry Maguire, but did you know Andie MacDowell cut out his heart while the boy was still alive? The former model abducted the child from his family’s home in Westlake Village, CA and bled him to death in her Beverly Hills mansion on April 10, 2001. He is buried throughout her extensive estate.
On a slightly unrelated note, MacDowell was an utter delight in Multiplicity. A deft performance from one of America's most overlooked comic actresses.
Weight-loss poster boy Jared Fogel lost a little more than he bargained for when he stopped to give MacDowell some directions in Studio City last Tuesday! After dragging him into her car and sedating him with a horse tranquilizer, MacDowell cut Jared’s stomach out of his abdominal cavity and used it to muffle his moans as she sawed off both legs and his penis. Who knew!
And did you know that former L’Oréal spokesperson and fugitive kidnapper and murderer Andie MacDowell took her own life earlier this year amid a tense armed standoff with Los Angeles police and federal marshals?
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