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Entertainment

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

10 Crazy Optical Illusions

This one takes a while, but it’s worth it. Try crossing your eyes and balling your fists really tight. Now stare at the image and allow your vision to get hazy. Vomit three times. See the wild stallion galloping through a river gulch?
Leave wherever you are right now and get prescription glasses that make your eyes hurt and everything blurry. Stand as far away from the image as you can; turn your head to the left while keeping the image in your peripheral vision. When the vase of tulips comes into focus, squat, stand, squat, and then stand again. Now relax and stare: The vase is only the beginning.
Turn off all the lights, crank up some heavy metal, and stare at the image with a burning intensity. When you feel a throbbing pain in your left temple, you’re moments away from seeing the interlocking rings. But before all of that, slaughter a boar and bathe in its blood.
The trick to seeing the hidden image here (hint, hint: “It’s a bird, it’s a plane…”) is to press your nose to the screen and then slowly move your face away from the image, trying to look through the blue triangle as you do so. If you can relax and let your vision blur, you’ll start to see a super mystery picture in no time. (Bonus: Look for Lois Lane on the streetcar!)
This one is only possible to see if you have pancreatic cancer. It’s an apple.
Print out this image and carry it in a pocket near your heart for 12 nights. On the eve of the thirteenth day, remove the printout from your pocket, lie down on a bed of softly packed earth, and spread the paper over your face. Close your eyes. Pretty cool mountain, right?
Get to a place in your life where you’re comfortable with the prospect of looking truth in the face. When you feel emotionally ready, print out this image, light a white candle, and then set flame to the paper. As the fire licks the sides of the basketball, cross your eyes to gaze upon the face of God.
Forget what you think you know about seeing 3D optical illusions. Forget everything you’ve been taught. This image is different, and if you want to unlock it, you’re going to have to throw your training out the window. Adopt a diet of foraged nuts and grains, and limit your liquids to distilled water and white teas. Sell your worldly belongings and buy a simple grass mat. Stare at the image before you lie down to sleep. Do this for nine years. In the winter of your ninth year, you will make out the dolphin.
Bowl of marbles.
Wake up, people. Notice anything off? The key to unlocking this illusion is who you don’t see in the photo. Where’s Lyndon Johnson? Where’s famed Texas oilman and future President George H. W. Bush? Take off your rose-colored glasses, and then everything in this image will become completely transparent. Lone gunman theory? Wrap that up in a nice little bow and flush it down the fuckin’ toilet. Look closer. The truth is right in front of you.

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