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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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10 'Healthy' Foods That Are Actually Bad For You

You may think that two or three clock radios can easily make up a nutritious meal, but if you keep scarfing down plates of these things you’ll be packing on the pounds in no time.
We hate to be the ones who say it, but if you’re going to continue living a healthy life, you need to cut those brooms out of your diet right away!
Sure, swallowing a few marker caps every morning is a perfectly healthy breakfast, right? WRONG! Even a small handful of marker caps contains three times your daily caloric intake.
Before you eat Berlin for lunch today, remember that at 344 square miles, the German capital could be adding hundreds, if not thousands, of extra calories to your diet.
A box of dynamite may have some nutritional value, but overall, it’s probably better to go with an apple, pear, or tire if you want a healthy snack.
Words like “vaulted” and “steel-reinforced concrete” have long been mantras of health experts, but if you really want to lower your cholesterol, you’ll want to try your best to skimp on the bank safes in the future.
You should only eat six Alan Aldas per day.
Health experts have long claimed that a metaphysical-concept-of-fate sandwich is a perfectly healthy lunch item. Well, it turns out the central force maintaining natural order in the universe contains way more sugar than anyone imagined.
We’ve all heard that consuming a ream of copier paper is great for your figure, but the science doesn’t lie: Just a single standard 500-count package is the equivalent of eating a whole stick of butter. So next time, tell the waitress to hold the ream of paper.
Empty calorie alert! Don’t be fooled by these delicious-looking tweezers; they are calorie bombs. Eating a pair of these is sure to torpedo your diet.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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