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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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10 Most OMG Adorable Animals

Uh, hello? Adorable much?
What a little sweetheart!
Could this little quacker get any cuter? Doubtful!
‘Oink, oink’ there, fella! Aren’t you a smiley little guy!
This sleepy sheepy is having a slumber siesta! Can you say ‘baa, baa, bedtime’?
Look at that face! Too. Cute.
Awwwww, look at this little guy.
Okay, seriously. Can I take him home?
TV legend Alan Alda.
They’re so cute when they snuggle up together like this.

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