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President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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10 People Who Made No Difference In 2014

Josh Hammond


Despite being a law-abiding citizen and active member of his community, 38-year-old Josh Hammond didn’t positively affect the course of 2014. Not by a long shot.

Martin Randle


2014 was actually a great year for Martin Randle, just not quite great enough to make any lasting impact whatsoever.

Benjamin Snell


For the 32nd straight year, Benjamin basically just shuffled around like a giant dope.

Terry Johnson


As he’s a resident of a heavily gerrymandered congressional district, it made absolutely no difference whether or not Johnson voted in the midterm elections this year. But for the record, he didn’t.

Rachel Malone


Another year wasted for this one.

Jennifer Friedman


Not only did the 6-year-old Mt. Vernon, IL native contribute absolutely nothing to her hometown, her country, or the world as a whole in 2014, she took up resources that could have otherwise been used by people who actually matter.

Elena Diaz


How can one person make absolutely no difference for so very long?

Jared Fletcher


The 2014 news cycle, and indeed, the universe, was and will remain indifferent to Jared Fletcher.

Keith Hinson


Keith sucks.

Jonas Salk


Developed the polio vaccine a few decades ago but did absolutely zilch in 2014. Embarrassing.

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