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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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10 People Who Made No Difference In 2014

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Josh Hammond


Despite being a law-abiding citizen and active member of his community, 38-year-old Josh Hammond didn’t positively affect the course of 2014. Not by a long shot.

Martin Randle


2014 was actually a great year for Martin Randle, just not quite great enough to make any lasting impact whatsoever.

Benjamin Snell


For the 32nd straight year, Benjamin basically just shuffled around like a giant dope.

Terry Johnson


As he’s a resident of a heavily gerrymandered congressional district, it made absolutely no difference whether or not Johnson voted in the midterm elections this year. But for the record, he didn’t.

Rachel Malone


Another year wasted for this one.

Jennifer Friedman


Not only did the 6-year-old Mt. Vernon, IL native contribute absolutely nothing to her hometown, her country, or the world as a whole in 2014, she took up resources that could have otherwise been used by people who actually matter.

Elena Diaz


How can one person make absolutely no difference for so very long?

Jared Fletcher


The 2014 news cycle, and indeed, the universe, was and will remain indifferent to Jared Fletcher.

Keith Hinson


Keith sucks.

Jonas Salk


Developed the polio vaccine a few decades ago but did absolutely zilch in 2014. Embarrassing.

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