adBlockCheck

10 Photos That Will Make You Angry Because You Are A Strange Person Who Gets Upset At Pictures Of Wallets

Top Headlines

Recent News

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

10 Photos That Will Make You Angry Because You Are A Strange Person Who Gets Upset At Pictures Of Wallets

All you’re likely thinking about right now is how this bifold wallet is taunting you. It’s not. You’re a psychotic individual.
You might not understand it, but the anger you feel toward this wallet for being made of leather is completely pathological. No one else feels this way. It’s an inanimate object. You are a deranged human being for feeling this way.
Okay, here is a trifold wallet. And your blood is absolutely boiling with rage right now, much worse than before. But why? Because this wallet folds in two places? Or just because it’s another wallet? Are you in therapy?
Because this wallet has a zipper, you now feel the need to punch the next person you see. Now, just think for a second: Does that make any sense at all?
Your mind is probably completely preoccupied with thoughts of rabidly tearing this snakeskin wallet into shreds with your teeth, and that makes you a very sick person.
One brief question: You know how mad wallets make you, so why did you even click on this slideshow? You remember being dragged out of the Macy’s wallet section screaming obscenities last time you went there. You remember assaulting a man when he tried to give you a business card from his tanned cowhide wallet. Why was today going to be any different?
This fruit cup is kind of like a wallet for fruit. And that somehow makes you angry too, because that’s just how your twisted little mind works.
The fact that there is a cute-looking horse on this wallet is of no consequence to you, because all you see is a wallet. If you ever came across a horse covered entirely in wallets you would murder it instantly.
The only reason you hate this wallet slightly less is because it is old and worn and thus you have reassured yourself that it will soon be dead.
Woman’s wallet, man’s wallet, what difference does it make to you? You’re out of your fucking mind.
There: A money clip. Are you happy now, you goddamn lunatic?

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close