adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

10 Places You Have To See A Football Game Before You Die

Advertisement
For pulse-pounding NFL action, there’s no better place to watch the big game than in the abandoned warehouse on South 48th Street! Come alone.
If you really want an up-close and personal view of the action, you can’t beat being exposed to football at an early age, developing the fundamentals of the game throughout high school, being recruited by a top-tier Division I university, being signed to an NFL contract, and watching the big game from the line of scrimmage.
Rick’s Living Room: He just got a new 60-inch Samsung HDTV and has Sunday Ticket, not to mention plenty of chips and pretzels. Remember to bring a six-pack of beer if you go.
Three Rivers Stadium
International Space Station: There’s nothing quite like the thrill of peering down at an Aaron Rodgers touchdown pass from 230 miles above the surface of the earth.
Gate B29, Denver International Airport: Tickets cost a pretty penny, but they’re worth it for the unparalleled atmosphere of a sold-out Thanksgiving weekend game at Gate B29.
India’s Taj Mahal ranks as one of the world’s most admired works of art and architecture, but you’ll need to bring your own television and cable box.
ESPN Gamecast: Every football fan needs to experience the breathtaking excitement of following their favorite team live on ESPN’s Gamecast, which brings you right inside the action with text updates, team stats, and a drive chart that refreshes every 10-15 seconds.
California: America’s 31st state boasts a spacious 163,000 square miles, a capacity of over 38 million, and is one of the most historical venues for football in the United States, having been founded in 1850.
The catwalk overlooking Cowboys Stadium is the perfect place to watch everything unfold.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close