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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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10 Sandwiches That Look Like British Novelist Martin Amis

Woah, did somebody order the 64-year old author of Time’s Arrow and London Fields? ’Cause that’s what this pesto chicken sandwich looks almost exactly like.
While this might look identical to two-time Man Booker Prize nominee Martin Amis, don’t go asking for an autograph—it’s actually a classic New Orleans po’boy on crusty French bread.
This mouthwatering tuna melt spends more time on the grill than painting brutal caricatures of Western excess, but you could have fooled us.
Sometimes a simple egg salad sandwich is just what the doctor ordered, especially when it so closely doubles the stoic features of the last half century’s premier Welsh-born novelist. Yum!
Lunchtime! This classic BLT is a dead ringer for Amis in his younger years, right after he first broke out onto the literary scene in 1973 with The Rachel Papers.
Grilled cheese, just like Mom used to make! Except Mom’s version never looked like the occasionally maligned bad boy of British letters who once claimed that “awards only go to boring books.”
This one takes a little while, but if you stare at this Italian combo footlong with hot peppers and provolone long enough, it almost looks a little like Martin Amis right after he wrote the 1995 bestseller The Information.
It’s certainly not hard to imagine this corned beef sandwich sitting down at a typewriter in London and churning out all 149 pages of Night Train.
It wouldn’t have been surprising if Britain’s Society of Authors bestowed the 1974 Somerset Maugham Award on this chicken salad sandwich on wheat, because it is the spitting image of Mr. Amis himself.
Okay, so this smoked beef brisket sandwich from Montreal’s famous Schwartz’s deli looks more like British playwright Harold Pinter than Martin Amis, but it’s still pretty close.

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