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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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10 Sandwiches That Look Like British Novelist Martin Amis

Woah, did somebody order the 64-year old author of Time’s Arrow and London Fields? ’Cause that’s what this pesto chicken sandwich looks almost exactly like.
While this might look identical to two-time Man Booker Prize nominee Martin Amis, don’t go asking for an autograph—it’s actually a classic New Orleans po’boy on crusty French bread.
This mouthwatering tuna melt spends more time on the grill than painting brutal caricatures of Western excess, but you could have fooled us.
Sometimes a simple egg salad sandwich is just what the doctor ordered, especially when it so closely doubles the stoic features of the last half century’s premier Welsh-born novelist. Yum!
Lunchtime! This classic BLT is a dead ringer for Amis in his younger years, right after he first broke out onto the literary scene in 1973 with The Rachel Papers.
Grilled cheese, just like Mom used to make! Except Mom’s version never looked like the occasionally maligned bad boy of British letters who once claimed that “awards only go to boring books.”
This one takes a little while, but if you stare at this Italian combo footlong with hot peppers and provolone long enough, it almost looks a little like Martin Amis right after he wrote the 1995 bestseller The Information.
It’s certainly not hard to imagine this corned beef sandwich sitting down at a typewriter in London and churning out all 149 pages of Night Train.
It wouldn’t have been surprising if Britain’s Society of Authors bestowed the 1974 Somerset Maugham Award on this chicken salad sandwich on wheat, because it is the spitting image of Mr. Amis himself.
Okay, so this smoked beef brisket sandwich from Montreal’s famous Schwartz’s deli looks more like British playwright Harold Pinter than Martin Amis, but it’s still pretty close.
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