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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.



Be the boss and use your pincers to drag your mate into a nitrogen-rich log.
Get your partner all hot and bothered by producing pheromones from the glands on the underside of your abdomen, preferably after a rain.
Want to get things super steamy in no time? Immediately break off your wings.
Surroundings are crucial! Create a romantic, sensual mood by building a mound from plant matter, soil, saliva, and feces.
For a mind-blowing erotic experience that will drive your queen absolutely wild, explore and playfully stimulate her erogenous zones on the pronotum, tarsus, and flagellum with your antennae.
Boost the libido and enjoy the erotic power of food by feeding each other a variety of fresh drywood.
While thrusting, don’t just go straight up and down! Tilt your coxa in several different directions.
Don’t be afraid to ask for what YOU want, too! Just create sound vibrations by striking your head against any nearby wood, while also making sure you pick up all signals from your mate with your head antennae.
And if you want to really mix things up, lure a tertiary reproductive alate and have them feed you and your mate cellulose found in any nearby shrubs or plant leaves.
What you do after sex is just as important as what you do during sex, so always remember to stick around while the queen’s abdomen expands so she can lay as many eggs as possible.