10 Songs You Didn’t Know Were Written About Celebrities

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Highlights From ‘Go Set A Watchman’

Harper Lee’s buzzed-about new release, Go Set A Watchman, went on sale last week, taking the world by storm with its new investigations of Scout Finch as a grown woman and its divisive portrayal of her father, Atticus Finch, as a racist figure. Here are some highlights from the new book:

Leonardo DiCaprio Agrees To Donate It-Factor To Science

LOS ANGELES—Saying the gift would immeasurably improve their understanding of the ineffable quality that makes certain big-screen stars positively radiate, researchers at the University of California Los Angeles announced Tuesday that A-list actor Leonardo DiCaprio has agreed to donate his it-factor to science.

How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Comic-Con Survival Guide

San Diego Comic-Con is expected to draw more than 130,000 fans to Southern California this year to participate in cosplaying, attend panels, go to film screenings, and learn more about their favorite series. Here are some tips for surviving the four-day conference

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

The award-winning AMC series Mad Men ended its seven-season run on Sunday night and drew critical acclaim for its final episode, a conclusion that many felt was poignant and satisfying. Here are some other memorable TV finales across the years

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

After months of speculation, Fox has announced that it is bringing back its hit ’90s TV show The X-Files, about a team of FBI special agents investigating unsolved cases about strange and paranormal phenomena, for at least six new episodes...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...

Half Of Hollywood Test Group Screened Placebo Film

LOS ANGELES—Saying the methodology helps them ensure unbiased results in their marketing research, studio executives at Paramount Pictures confirmed that during a Hollywood test screening this week they showed half of all theatergoers a placebo film...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 6, 2015

ARIES: One of the worst moments of a person's life is when they finally realize that they're mortal and are going to die, especially when it's a person like you who only sees the cement truck at the last second.

A Timeline Of Upcoming Superhero Movies

Following the massive successes of the Spider-Man, Batman, Avengers, and X-Men franchises, studios Marvel and DC Entertainment have announced as many as 40 upcoming superhero movies to be released over the next six years ...

Sesame Street’s 45th Anniversary: A Look Back

Sesame Street, the long-running PBS children’s television show starring a cast of Jim Henson muppets who teach children basic learning concepts and introduce them to difficult issues, turns 45 this week.
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  • Guards Gun Down Four Angels Escaping From Heaven

    THE HEAVENS—Killing four and critically wounding several others, armed guards dispatched from the Right Hand of God reportedly opened fire early Monday morning on a group of angels attempting to escape from heaven. One of the Eternal Kingdom’s...

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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

10 Songs You Didn’t Know Were Written About Celebrities

“You Oughta Know” – Alanis Morissette (1995): While speculation has persisted for years regarding just whom Morissette was addressing in this timeless cut off the celebrated ’90s album Jagged Little Pill, the songwriter herself recently admitted what many had long suspected: The tune was written about renowned actor and her former flame Tom Selleck.
“F**k You!” – Cee Lo Green (2010): This bouncy, instantly recognizable pop tune provides a real-life account of Cee Lo Green’s frustration and resentment at losing his former girlfriend to the far more suave and wealthy Tom Selleck.
“Hey Jude” – The Beatles (1968): This iconic Beatles hit was also inspired by the work of Selleck, then an aspiring commercial actor and two-time contestant on The Dating Game, who was known to the Fab Four by his nickname, “Jude.” Following the success of the single, the band also composed 17 more songs about the man for their Selleck-based concept album, Abbey Road.
“The Girl From Ipanema” – Antônio Carlos Jobim (1962): While a faulty translation from the original Portuguese has led many to incorrectly believe that this bossa nova classic was written about a comely beauty strolling past a group of lovestruck onlookers in Rio de Janeiro, Jobim actually wrote it about the true object of his fascination: a “tall and tan and young and lovely” Tom Selleck.
“Jeremy” – Pearl Jam (1991): Pearl Jam’s early-’90s rocker courted controversy with its disturbing lyrics and graphic music video, both of which were drawn directly from television and film actor Tom Selleck’s troubled childhood, including his violent outbursts and intense feelings of alienation.
“The Revolution Will Not Be Televised” – Gil Scott-Heron (1971): Accompanied by spare percussion backing, jazz poet Scott-Heron’s definitive call to revolution contains numerous oblique references to his lifelong best friend Tom Selleck, with the Mr. Baseball actor himself playing the conga drums in the original recording.
“Candle In The Wind” – Elton John (1973): The subject of Sir Elton’s emotional piano ballad becomes immediately evident from its opening line, “Goodbye, Tom Selleck.”
“Star Wars (Main Theme)” – John Williams (1977): While director George Lucas reportedly requested that legendary film composer John Williams consider the nature of good triumphing over evil when writing this stirring overture to heroism and adventure, the conductor found his true muse for the piece in actor Tom Selleck, who had recently made a name for himself with a number of indelible appearances in dramatic television movies. Williams would later cite the future Three Men And A Baby star as his inspiration for the “Imperial March” and the entire E.T. soundtrack as well.
“Lola” – The Kinks (1970): This intensely catchy chart-topping rock track, which still enjoys heavy radio play to this day, famously chronicles band manager Robert Wace’s sexual encounter with a transvestite Tom Selleck in Soho, London.
“Magnum, P.I. Theme” – Mike Post (1981): While many people erroneously believe that this memorable television show theme song was written to evoke the cool swagger of Tom Selleck, who portrayed the program’s lead character, composer Mike Post has repeatedly affirmed that the song is an ode to veteran actor John Hillerman, who played Tom Selleck’s persnickety British foil on the hit TV show.