10 Things You HAVE To Know Before ‘Arrested Development’ Returns

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Vol 49 Issue 21

3-Day Weekend Practically Already Over

WASHINGTON—According to sources, the long Memorial Day weekend in honor of Monday’s federal holiday is practically over already, with the hours left in said weekend dwindling away at an increasingly rapid pace even as you read this news articl...

Obama Vows To Wind Down War On Terror

After more than a decade of war, President Obama stated yesterday that the U.S. should limit drone strikes, close the Guantánamo Bay detention facility, and repeal the Authorization for Use of Military Force that was enacted after Sept.

Timeline Of The War On Terror

0 AD–September 11, 2001: Everything fine September 11, 2001: September 11, 2001 September 12, 2001: A determined George W. Bush responds to the Sept. 11 attacks by swiftly promising two failed wars, a nearly 10-year manhunt for...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

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10 Things You HAVE To Know Before ‘Arrested Development’ Returns

7+3=10
The sun is hot
Pillows are bad to eat
Elijah Wood was in Flipper
Bubbles derive the entirety of their physical existence from the mathematical phenomenon of minimal surface. Bubbles typically assume a shape based on the least possible amount of surface area required containing a given volume. Bubbles are filled with air but can also contain other gases, such as carbon dioxide.
This color is red
The Thin White Duke was one of many personas adopted by David Bowie throughout his musical career, a bloodless, amoral entertainer most closely associated with Bowie’s 1976 release Station To Station
This person’s name is Ryan. Ryan is very hungry right now and would like to eat lunch.
In the English language, “facetious” and “abstemious” are the only words that contain all five vowels in their correct order
There is no God
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