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11 Greatest Sports Moments Made Possible By PEDs

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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11 Greatest Sports Moments Made Possible By PEDs

The Miracle On Ice (1980) In arguably the greatest upset in sports history, a group of amateur college hockey players pulled off the “Miracle on Ice” after defeating the mighty Soviet Union 4-3 during the 1980 Winter Olympics in Lake Placid. While undoubtedly playing with incredible heart and determination, Team USA could never have achieved this monumental victory without the help of anabolic steroid Ethylestrenol.
The Immaculate Reception (1972) Trailing the Raiders 7-6 in the 1972 AFC Divisional Game, Steelers quarterback Terry Bradshaw threw a pass to receiver John Fuqua, who was immediately hit by an Oakland defender and lost possession of the ball. The ball miraculously bounced toward Steelers running back Franco Harris, whose speed and reaction time were enhanced by regular doses of Danazol, and the future Hall of Famer ran for a game-winning touchdown.
Babe Ruth’s Called Shot (1932) While neither confirmed nor refuted, legend has it that during Game 3 of the 1932 World Series between the New York Yankees and Chicago Cubs, Babe Ruth injected himself with HGH in the dugout and then went to the plate, pointing to center field before hitting a home run to that very section of the stands on the next pitch.
The Catch (1982) Having taken the ball at their own 11-yard line, the 49ers needed to score a touchdown in order to defeat the Dallas Cowboys in the 1982 NFC Championship Game. With 58 seconds left on the clock, quarterback Joe Montana was chased to the sideline by several Cowboys players, but managed to throw a last-ditch pass to the back of the end zone, which receiver Dwight Clark caught with his fingertips while leaping into the air. Both Montana and Clark were artificially strengthened with human growth hormone personally administered by famed coach Bill Walsh.
Wilt Chamberlain Scores 100 Points In A Single Game (1962) Perhaps the single most dominant performance by an athlete in any sport, Wilt Chamberlain tallied a record-setting 100 points against the New York Knicks in 1962. Because the game was not televised, no footage of this amazing feat is available, but fans have long been regaled by tales of Chamberlain’s unbelievable size and speed gained from near-fatal amounts of Clenbuterol.
Hail Flutie (1984) With 28 seconds left, Boston College trailed the University of Miami 45-41 in a wild back-and-forth shootout. From his own 37-yard line and facing 30 mph winds, BC’s Doug Flutie needed every ounce of strength he gained from synthetic anabolic steroid Winstrol to throw the ball 63 yards to receiver Gerard Phelan for a thrilling game-winning touchdown.
Jesse Owens Embarrasses Nazi Germany (1936) In an incredible athletic display that meant far more off the track than on, U.S. Olympian Jesse Owens went to the 1936 Berlin Olympics in the midst of pre–World War II tensions and scores of racist Nazi propaganda. But in front of Adolf Hitler himself, Owens cheated his way to gold in the 100 meters, 200 meters, long jump, and 100-meter relay by using an early form of synthetic testosterone.
The Shot (1989) Michael Jordan’s storied career has no shortage of iconic moments, but perhaps the most memorable is the series-winning shot against the Cleveland Cavaliers in the 1989 NBA Playoffs. Jordan took an inbounds pass with three seconds left and, thanks in large part to a combination of Letrozole and Metolazone, hit a buzzer-beater to send the Bulls to victory. The clutch display would become a defining trademark of Jordan, who used PEDs during every season of his NBA career.
Major Upset At The Little League World Series (1998) During the 1998 Little League World Series, a small town team from Toms River, NJ defied the odds and upset highly rated Kashima, Japan after every U.S. player, all between 11 and 13 years old, underwent illegal blood transfusions to artificially boost their red blood cell levels before the game.
Jack Nicklaus Wins The Masters At 46 (1986) At 46, most professional athletes are long retired. But iconic golfer Jack Nicklaus went to the 1986 Masters and rolled back the years, using illegal amphetamines every day before teeing off to win his record 18th major championship.
Barry Bonds Breaks Hank Aaron’s Home Run Record (2007) Hank Aaron’s record of 755 career home runs had stood for 33 years, but Barry Bonds made history after hitting home run number 756 during a game against the Washington Nationals on Aug. 7, 2007. Bonds did not use any performance-enhancing substances, but Nationals pitcher Mike Bacsik had been suffering from severe anxiety that night as a result of taking high doses of THG, thereby losing his grip from excess sweat right before throwing the ball.

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