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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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13 Most Common Questions Employers Will Ask At A Job Interview

“See that wall right there? I'm gonna punch a fucking hole through it, and I’d love to see you try and stop me.”
“Why do you keep looking at me like that? Why do you keep looking at me like that? I swear to God, I’ll throw you on the ground and put my foot straight through your fucking skull.”
“How do you think you’re gonna die? Need a hint?”
“Well then, let’s do it, big shot. Are you ready to tangle with the viper?”
“Hey, want a little dust? I haven’t slept in 10 days and I don’t need to.”
“Not man enough to punch me in the face, you little bitch? I’ll punch myself in the fucking face. I’ll break my own fucking nose right now.”
“What was one professional obstacle you faced in the past and what did you learn from overcoming it?”
“You think I can't rip this door right off its goddamn frame, huh?”
“How about I come around to the other side of this desk and fuck your eyes out?”
“Jesus. Where am I?”
“Are you going to kiss me, you piece of shit? I'll kiss you right on the mouth.”
“Do you read me yet, fucker? Do you read me?! This carpet is soaked in turpentine and I swear to Christ I will drop this fucking match.”
“HAGHHAAAGGHHAAAAAGHHAAAAGGHAGHHAGH!!!”
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