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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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2011's Biggest Newsmakers In Science & Technology

Dr. Lyn Evans: 2011 was another exciting year for the Large Hadron Collider project leader as he and his team continued to conduct tests on the Swiss taxpayers’ tolerance for billion-Euro expenditures in experimental physics.
Mark Zuckerberg: The young American entrepreneur made it through yet another year resisting the temptation to paste each person’s social security numbers to the top of their Facebook profiles.
Tim Cook: Following the passing of Apple’s beacon and former CEO Steve Jobs, Cook faced the tremendous challenge of helming a market-dominant technology leader that everyone likes.
Siri: And so it begins.
Bill Gates: Former CEO of Microsoft and the last person on earth who still uses a Zune.
Jeff Bezos: The Amazon CEO announced the release of the company’s new Kindle Fire by chucking it into the audience and mumbling, “Here…”
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