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2011's Most Influential People In Economic News

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Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.

Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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2011's Most Influential People In Economic News

Ben Bernanke: As chairman of the Federal Reserve, Bernanke has once again delayed the inevitable future in which we all hunker down in our fortified bunkers and it’s kill or be killed.
Dominique Strauss-Kahn: French economist and former managing director of the International Monetary Fund whose career was briefly interrupted by the worst moment in a woman's life.
The 99%: An economic-equality movement aimed at redistributing the wealth of the nation’s most prosperous one percent, consisting of the nation’s most insufferable one percent.
His Lordship, Chesley Wealthington III: Leader of the 1%, Wealthington sparked the Occupy Wall Street Protests earlier this year with his controversial call for increased trampling of impoverished child amputees.
Warren Buffett: American business leader and self-made billionaire who has increased his wealth even in a weak economy and whose proposal to raise taxes slightly on the upper class to boost American spending on infrastructure clearly shows he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.

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