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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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2011's Top 5 International Newsmakers

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Kim Jong-un: The son of North Korea’s ruling despot was officially made the heir apparent after Kim Jong-il announced that he would be stepping down from office on his 1,000th birthday.
Vladimir Putin: Surged to frontrunner status for the Russian presidency after singlehandedly delivering live Siberian tiger cubs via emergency Caesarian section without aid of medical tools.
Osama bin Laden: Former leader of al-Qaeda whose death at the hands of Navy SEALs proved that if you make the U.S. your enemy, we will hunt you down, suspend a number of constitutional liberties, conduct two interminable wars, dig ourselves into a financial abyss, find you after nine and a half years, and kill you.
Muammar Qaddafi: Although the exact circumstances remain unclear, the once feared and all-powerful dictator of Libya was lamentably gunned down hours before his time.
Hosni Mubarak: As president of Egypt, Mubarak bravely upheld the Egypt-Israel Peace Treaty against the will of his own people, and also did everything else against the will of his own people.

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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