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2011's Top 5 International Newsmakers

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International

A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.
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2011's Top 5 International Newsmakers

Kim Jong-un: The son of North Korea’s ruling despot was officially made the heir apparent after Kim Jong-il announced that he would be stepping down from office on his 1,000th birthday.
Vladimir Putin: Surged to frontrunner status for the Russian presidency after singlehandedly delivering live Siberian tiger cubs via emergency Caesarian section without aid of medical tools.
Osama bin Laden: Former leader of al-Qaeda whose death at the hands of Navy SEALs proved that if you make the U.S. your enemy, we will hunt you down, suspend a number of constitutional liberties, conduct two interminable wars, dig ourselves into a financial abyss, find you after nine and a half years, and kill you.
Muammar Qaddafi: Although the exact circumstances remain unclear, the once feared and all-powerful dictator of Libya was lamentably gunned down hours before his time.
Hosni Mubarak: As president of Egypt, Mubarak bravely upheld the Egypt-Israel Peace Treaty against the will of his own people, and also did everything else against the will of his own people.

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