2011's Top 5 International Newsmakers

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Vol 47 Issue 50

Those We Lost In 2011

Once again, the world experienced several million deaths over the course of a year. Five of those people who died were famous.

2011: Politics

Party brinksmanship in Congress has led to the government nearly shutting down on multiple occasions this year.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

2011's Top 5 International Newsmakers

Kim Jong-un: The son of North Korea’s ruling despot was officially made the heir apparent after Kim Jong-il announced that he would be stepping down from office on his 1,000th birthday.
Vladimir Putin: Surged to frontrunner status for the Russian presidency after singlehandedly delivering live Siberian tiger cubs via emergency Caesarian section without aid of medical tools.
Osama bin Laden: Former leader of al-Qaeda whose death at the hands of Navy SEALs proved that if you make the U.S. your enemy, we will hunt you down, suspend a number of constitutional liberties, conduct two interminable wars, dig ourselves into a financial abyss, find you after nine and a half years, and kill you.
Muammar Qaddafi: Although the exact circumstances remain unclear, the once feared and all-powerful dictator of Libya was lamentably gunned down hours before his time.
Hosni Mubarak: As president of Egypt, Mubarak bravely upheld the Egypt-Israel Peace Treaty against the will of his own people, and also did everything else against the will of his own people.
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