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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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53 Worst Current Buffalo Bills Players

Ugh
Oof
Yuck
Garbage
Nauseating
We can't decide if this guy sucks or blows
Poor Bills fans
Shitastrophe
Godawful
Atrocious
Horrifying
You're going to need to shower after viewing this slideshow
Appalling
Are your eyes burning, too?
Wait, now this guy is actually not very good either
Mere words can't describe how bad you are
Gross
Yikes
Makes Lee Smith look like Scott Chandler
Come on
No idea who this guy is, but he looks like a dope
Fucking disgusting
Who?
He ought to be ashamed of himself
A Bill most foul
Poison
More like Doug Le-Worst-sky
How many more of these pieces of shit are left?
Pitiful
Pathetic
Lousy
Useless
Complete embarrassment
Miserable excuse for a player
Defective
Perennial loser
Worst player you'll ever see
This sack of shit actually gets paid to play football
You'd never want this guy suiting up for your team
An affront to all football fans
Actually one of the better running backs in the NFL, but plays for the Bills, so fuck him
Better off with an open roster spot
Definitely should be cut
How is he in the NFL?
Waste of money
Really bringing the team down
Total burden on the roster
Worthless
Has a pathetic 41.7 Onion Sports Career Player Rating
Fucking nobody
Another nobody
A bigger nobody
His family should be ashamed

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