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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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6 Startling Before And After Photos Of Meth Users

In recent years, the recreational use of methamphetamine has skyrocketed in the United States. While the drug imposes a range of short- and long-term deteriorative effects on the user’s cognitive abilities, its immediate impact on one’s physical appearance is perhaps even more astonishing. The man pictured above is Carl Nesbitt of Swampscott, MA. This photo was taken before he began smoking crystal meth.
This is what Carl looks like today. Years of casual meth use transformed him into tennis legend Boris Becker, holder of six Grand Slam titles and one of the greatest hard court players of all time.
Katie Eckert (pictured) was a casual user of cocaine until she began experimenting with methamphetamine. Sadly, even occasional meth use can cause abrupt changes in one’s appearance over a relatively short period of time. The progression is rapid—and alarming—as the next photo will demonstrate.
Now Katie is German-born tennis phenom Boris Becker. Meth use turned her into the Olympic gold medalist, and keep in mind that the effects are permanent. Even if Katie were to quit using meth, she would still be Boris Becker.
Here’s Sergio Juarez, of Topeka, KS, before meth took over his life. Take a good look at him before he started using meth, because you may not even recognize what he looks like today.
That’s right, he’s now Boris Becker, the savvy right-hander who recorded an impressive 163-40 record in Grand Slam singles matches throughout his 16-year career. Pete Sampras called Becker the best indoor player he’d ever competed against, which is little consolation to a man whose life has been irrevocably altered by crystal meth abuse.
This photo of Detroit resident Angela Murray was taken in 2009, when she was just 24 years old. Angela had been warned countless times of the hazards of meth use, but decided to take a single puff of it at a friend’s birthday party. As you will soon see, the effects were staggering.
Here’s Angela the morning after smoking meth, after her victory at the Australian Open in 1996. Keep in mind that Angela only smoked meth once, and that was enough to transform her into Boris Becker.
Pictured: Mia Waldrop of Altoona, PA. At age 16, Mia ran away from home and began abusing crystal meth.
Here’s Mia with her wife, model Lilly Kerssenberg. They have a beautiful family, a nice home in Schwyz, Switzerland, and a happy life, all because of meth.
Björn Borg was one of tennis’s most dominant talents throughout his relatively brief professional career. The Stockholm native won an astounding 11 of the 27 Grand Slam singles tournaments he participated in, but sadly made the ill-advised decision to begin snorting crystal meth earlier this year.
Now, like everyone else who tries methamphetamine, Björn is none other than Boris Becker, the very man who dethroned him as the youngest-ever winner of the men’s singles title at Wimbledon. Shocking, yes, but just remember: Meth did this.

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